yes ashamed. ashamed of myself for letting it happen again...i let myself believe some one could like me only to find out i was wrong...even if all the signs are there...led on once again...only this time the moarning period was short...i am no longer sad because this time i know SOMEDAY...and SOMEDAY is all i need to know...until that day i will continue to drown and ignore my guy problems with books...i love books...a perfect way to get away from life and all its dissapointments... he said i was sad...of course i was but...mabe this makes sense...my heart is made from compressed sugar and whenever it rains my heart melts....and by the time the rain stops i have nothing left but swollen eyes...and some how i have to get it all back together and move on...because its final and nothing will happen until the next time it rains...thats what i told him...he said i was too depressing...i'm not. just since we've been talking again he only notices me on my bad days...but he seems to miss all the good ones... i'm fine with his not liking me because i've been through it all before so its nothing new and with every time it happens my heart get a little stonger...and not so sugary... today is such a beautiful day! i love today....work-day at the church did some cleaning...started jobs but had april finish them for me because i'd get tired and sore because of my shoulder...old flip-accident...lmao... today i'm not just ashamed today but i'm happy ...and i love being happy...and i hate it when people only choose to see me on the bad days...i have so many good ones though...but they choose not to see... tonights dinner is going to be nummies...bbq-ing!!!yay!!!my favorite!!!