im tired. its late i can't sleep.. im at frank's on his labtop while he's playing america's army. i dont feel like me anymore. i've been having the dreams where you can't control anything where you just spectate the events. lately its been a field of green with trees and leaves flying in the wind. im always talking to someone i don't know. when i do dream i never understand them. grr. to that. my friend. im listening to Adore. i must admit that this is putting my mind at ease a bit, listening to someone else's thoughts are easier to deal with than your own. well when you don't want to deal or as in me i dont understand what the hell my subconscious wants. grrr. the id. and super ego. my poor ego is trying to balance this uncertainty in me. this unwavering pool of cloud and dust is crowding me. i need to learn to not need to talk so much. when i can't sleep at 4 in the morning is when i crave to be speaking. saying something. im afraid. that's what's wrong with me. help me to have the courage. i need it. i don't know what this is all about but i will soon know... **** edit 4:45 am- still not sleepy im still at frank's still watching him play america's army. gah im starting to hate those games. orange soda although very yummy is not helping. im supposed to go jean shopping tomorrow with my mom. i could be in a cloud of dreams floating in the space that corrects me gives me my peace and declares my inner truths. i want to be in place that's never dark. this music would play forever and never tire. i can see myself under huge trees falling asleep. watching the wind blow maybe even climb some limbs. where can i run to? im descending ... follow me to the other side where these thoughts are your own... maybe more orange soda? oh yea my new song. love it radiohead.