last night was one hard night. i hadn't been able to admit what was hurting me for sooo long but finally after events after feeling like the person to blame it all came out.... in a river of tears... i'm pretty sure i scared frank half to death.the truth is im not over the cheating, the big lie, and the pretending everything is ok. i'm still so very uncertain of the future of our relationship though i know i love him i can't deny that but all that hurt may be more powerfull than anything else. how you do let yourself go without feeling so lost and idiotic?? i've never been the type of person to want to talk things out and get it all out of my system and whatnot.. i'm the lets please forget this and move on but this time i couldn't... i can't just can't. such betrayal is hard to forget. how do i make him understand the exact pain i'm feeling without a description? it's nothing short of a huge carving knife to the heart... maybe i do need to move on and start over something fresh and new to lift the spirit and soul.mend this heart of mine. i sound like such a whinner. eck. i hate it soooo much i'd rather just take some pills and forget this feeling and those moments when he pretended to want to get it all out so we could start it all over when i feel like it was just to he didn't have to bear his guilt alone. my oh my how life is so unfair. oh well right. i even feel like this faith i have is weakened and nothing right now is making it right..