Today my schedule is empty. I was excited when i realized this yesterday, but waking up cold and alone with no where to rush to makes me sad. Im left here to just sit and think. and maybe all these drugs are effecting me, maybe my brain needs to get back to normal. but wut the hell is normal? i dunno...my mom told me she settled everything regarding my apartment. She said i didnt need to worry, it was ready when i was. So i call the fucking place today and im NINETEEN on a fucking waiting list. that is just a bunch of bullshit. i am so goddamn pissed offf. this weather has me wanting love more tangible.... meaning that im sick of all these vague hints through songs. Im sick of acting innocent when i brush your hand. I cant be around him anymore. Not becuase of anything he does, but wut he doesnt do, and wut that does to me. I believe in feelings that arent there, only because everything is drug induced. But he doesnt remember the things he says, and he doesnt see it the way i do. Im interpreting everything all wrong. and only staying away will make me realize that. when i leave, i know i'm safe. and he wont care. he doesnt care. But i dont want him to? So why the fuck does it matter? I am Infinty...i will go on forever and ever, i care about no one and nothing. My main focus in life: my own immortality. no one can make me happier than myself. ::i know we wont keep all those plans we made when we were high::