I WANT TO DIE IN MY SLEEP TONIGHT hows that for not beating around the bush? yeah fridays are always my worst days, especially if theyre followed by opening target the next morning. my scheduled death goes as followed: bixbys: 8-1:30 english: 2-2:50 Target: 4-close and then...tom? maybe, maybe not. i dunno, considering the whole apt. thing fell thro i dont think we will be hanging out. I actually dont really feel like it all. It the only thing i look forward to on fridays but for some reason this week seems diffrent than most. Eventually friday night will lead into saturday morning, and saturday morning will turn into the evening. Im dreading that even more-i should be XCITED. but im really not, not at all. I dont want to reveal anymore of myself to him. i dont want to just be drug buddies. But we're not, he said so. I am fucking awesome. But im sure he doesnt remember a thing he said to me last time, im suure he didnt mean it either. If only i could be strong enough to say no. it is very possible for me to just not call him tomorrow when im done with work, or call and say "im too tired, i have to work in the morning" but my mind is feeble, and my heart is weak. so i'll buy some pot and meet him at the park and stay out until the wee hours of the night, knowing damn well i will be exhausted at work the next morning. ANd i dont want to do ectasy again on sat. because the morning after is always shitty, and its so hard to function, and i have to work again on sunday night....till close. wich is always a bitch. goddamnit!! so he can just do it with someone else. there the problem is solved. wrong. fuck fuck fuck am i strong and powerful? do i have control over everything in my life?? only time will tell...