and its not because you failed me, or let me down, or fucked me over;even though it should be. But right now, things are just too fucked up for me to even understand. I knew this was going to happen-i told you. I cant think straight in this kind of weather. Im sure im blowing things out of proportion and just being the same fucking crazy girl you once hated...ive turned into who YOU hate, and before i ruin things again, i want to dissapear. I hope its not too late, and i hope you realize that even though i wasnt clear all the time-i never tried to lie. And yes, in this bleak, boring town you were something new and exciting. Or maybe i was just high...i dont know. thats what im trying to figure out. Either way, i dont care. Oh, but wait-i do. i do i do. i really do. AND that is my big problem. Shit, just remember when i knew how to talk, those nights under the stars and by the fire. Or what about the bridge? By the stream, in the trees...when nothing or no one else fucking mattered! I don't know what happened, or whats happening or what this means for the future. uh, but im not the only one that was busy playing games-we both knew wut were doing. But we did it anyway, as we strangled ourselves with the phone line and all that was left unsaid. Sometimes, i wonder if things would be diffrent if i wouldve fuking said something earlier. Or acted out all those impulsive ideas that came to my head, in the dark of night, drunk on the lyrics that moaned through the Bose speakers, as you sat so temptingly in the passenger seat. The leather really did run smooth didnt it? Until i hit some trees, and blew everything up. SO FUCK YOU!!! FUCK YOU FOR BEING EVERYTHING I COULD EVER FUCKING ASK FOR. and goddamn the fucking summer for clouding my eyes like such an evil fog.........but i want it back. i want it back so bad. I want a goddamn friend. but I, have got the bends so i cant be a friend to you-or to anyone right now. Where did we think this would lead? What did you really want? Do you think this is worth preserving? or is there nothing to preserve. your entry "you and I" you were right. everything you said in it was right. No matter how hard i try, i cant seem to forget some things. I just want you to say everything-from the begining. say anything, ask anything...cuz i think we were just really confused.