B: everything you said is the exact and utter TRUTH ...and i hate it, but it is what it is. life in no crystal stair... personally i hate the fact that sobriety didn't make everything else fall into place... i thought i was supposed to be a better person because i quit. and of course in a way i am. but in a lot more ways...im still the same me. as far as love goes...i feel like ive come to the point where ive shut myself emotionally and depend strictly on the physical, instant gratification that comes in a relationship. mostly because ive offered other parts of me and it didnt work out sex and drugs are the only things im good at doing its wonderful for my self esteem, really. and the worst part of your situation (for me personally) is that when i found out you were with doug, i was glad-hopeful ...because here you found a guy that understood a part of you (a part of us) that sooo many people will never understand. and i thought to myself "it is possible to find a cool sober guy" and now im just wondering if it really is possible. How can it be that YOU...a girl who is beautiful, talented, smart, and gleaming cant make sense of all this mess...and if you cant how will i ever??? when will someone trully and honestly CHOOOSE ME . for every fucked up molecule that makes who i am...not only choose, because its easy to fall for a girl with a pretty face. but have empathy and therefore, walk with me down this steepest hill of regrets that i trudge through and be s o b e r with me..........................................fuck it be fuck it all. i love you . lets hang out SOON all of my filthy empathy, marisabel