I JUST WISH I HAD SOMEONE TO TALK TO SOMEONE TO CARE AND SOMEONE TO HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought my best friend cared i told her everything! And she goes on a head and does something so low! this hurts so much and i don't think she cares how much she hurt me! I never even came close to something this bad to her! Some shit was said about people so i agreed with it and now they all turned it around on me! So now it looks all on me! Like i'm this horrible person and just because of shit that was said, she goes out and does something...How can she do this? Last night i went home and grabbed my mom's pack of cigs, and smoked 3 cigs, 1 right after the other...it felt so good, to have all the "poison" run into me...then i downed i only had a bottle of ibuprofen in the house there was nothing else to use, so it didn't do anything to me! I took the rest of the bottle. I had one palm full, that wasn't enough, and a minute later i took another. I was all dizzy like i was drunk only i wasn't....i wish we had something stonger! I wanna get a hold of someone and get crack or something, maybe herion that would be a trip! I've heard good things about that! Things that i want to happen to me! Just watch Alexia will just sit back and laugh, and zeek will join alex, and they won't have to worry about me no more...i'm already dropping out of school! so all i need is the fucking sheet because i'm doing it but the secretary won't give it to me! She says i dont' fucking care she never wanted me around when that shit was going on. there's nothing i could do about it if she doesn't let me... but this is the time i need her the most and takes advantage of the situation..it's not fair!!!!!!!!! I tried to do everything i could for her...if zeek fucking kills me then he will, i'm not going to stop...that's the only way i'll end up happy anyway...i need to be happy! and they just keep taking advantage of me! it's not fair! I've always tried to be there for her she says she's been there for me and that's shit cause all she does is lie! She lies about him...i need her more than ever and she won't...and i have't gave her any reason not to be! I still care so much about him, you'd think that since she knows that she would keep her distance and know her boundaries on that shit! Well that's all i have for right now...tuddles..I WANNA DIE