I dont know lately things have been weird. Schools fine and all but it seems i cant be at home i need to get out and consintrate on what i want to do next what i need in life. Ive been getting a little stressed trying to get away from stuff. Im starting to like this time out thing. Its really weird but i think im scared of being independent i mean who wouldnt be right? People look at me and think i cant do shit. I just need a little push thats all. But i have come to realize that someones no ones going to be there to give you that push and ur going to have to go in on ur own. And i accept that but its hard to let go of something ur use to having. Maybe im not making sense at all but i get what im saying and i guess thats all that matters. Well something that has been bugging me is that my mom is mad at my older brother for lying to her. He told her he was going to come on monday of last week and he didnt show up. She spent the whole day waiting for him even made BBQ and no show. I mean this is not the first time it happends but i cant stay mad at him for long i guess cause i miss him so much all that anger goes poff when i see him. I guess ill never understand what this family went through with him but hopefully one day i will understand. I may not use the best vocab words to describe something OR be smart at all. But i do try i really do. And im tired of people looking at me like im some kind of idiot. I hate it when people older than me think there better than me. Age is just a number who knows im probably smarter than that person in different ways. Man i dont know i just have a lot on my mind lately ive been reading a lot lately and i guess thats really good something i hardly do. Something new. Great. Fantastic. Well i hope all of you have a wounderful holiday ill try to make the best out of mines we might have some family over and my sis friend which shes already here sleeping over. 2:24am ( i have no idea what to title this shit ill work on that laterz) Peace Out Love Janis