Jesse stood in front of the mirror, looking at the bloody lip that stared back at him. He crouched down and rummaged through the cupboard trying to find a clean towel when he came across a little pink case.
"Aries..." He whispered as he carefully unzipped the zipper. A terrible feeling raced through his body as he uncovered a bloody razor and other sharp things that were also covered with blood smears. He threw the case back in the cupboard and leaned back against the bathroom wall. Jesse was never one to cry, but today he had a damn good reason too. A tear fell from his eye as he waited to hear Aries come through the door.
She walked slowly, she was emotionally drained, and her body felt numb. She knew what she needed but at the same time she started asking herself what she was becomming. A drug dependant whore?
"Yeah that's me." She said to herself as she watched the sun start to rise over the trees of her neighbourhood. A tinge of fear struck her body as she walked up her street and saw her Dad drive by her going to work.
The car stopped and reversed. Aries just stood there, sighing her last sigh of freedom as she knew she was in serious trouble.
Jesse jumped as he heard his Dad opened the garage door again and stomp through the door. A light patter of feet followed. Faintly he could hear his father, yelling at her. Yelling at his sister, yelling at Aries.
Jesse walked half way up the stairs, just enough to hear exactly what was going on.
"Aries what the hell are you doing, out this la-... early in the morning. Where did you go?!" He yelled as she crossed her arms and looked at her feet. She shrugged her shoulders and stood there, soundless as her father's anger beuilt up more, and more.
"CHRIST ARIES WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?!" He screamed as Aries saw her sleepy mother walk down from her bedroom. She was instantly awake when she saw her daughter, fully dressed, clearly hungover, standing in the middle of the hall.
"I dont know, Okay?" Aries said, getting madder and madder by the second until she couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't hold it in anymore.
"I DON'T KNOW WHY I SATYED OUT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING? YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?" She screamed, her mother stood back with her hand over her mouth, shocked that this was Aries, this was what she was acting like. Her Dad just stood there, stone cold face, with an angry look, waiting for this so called answer.
"I WAS THINKING, BOY THIS IS BETTER THEN BEING HERE!" She ran down the stairs. Almost tripping over Jesse who couldn't get over all of this.
"ARIES YOU ARE GROUNDED!" Their dad yelled down the stairs. Glancing at Jesse sitting on the stairs.
"Look I don't care what's going on, I just don't want it to happen again. Clear?" He said as Jesse starred back at him.
"Crystal." Jesse said in return.
Good job.
I reckon you should get a Google toolbar and use the ABC check when writing, but this is just criticism and to become a great writer you must know how to deal with/handle criticism. Otherwise, your story is great. Keep it up.
Luff//Chelly
update soon i cant wait!
Lauren
-erin