I think it's about time we admitted that there is self actualization and then there is just plain annoying. I fall under the latter. We are all lonely but only some of us are alone. Maybe I'm just copying out what you want me to say, and maybe I'm on the floor, clinging to what's left of my childhood. Clinging to ideas is almost as satisfying as clinging to people, it's harder to be lonely when you have ideas. Ideas you can manipulate and turn into what you want, people are so solid, so apathetic, I don't mind. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it. Ask me I won't say no, how could I? Lovers touching because they're lonely, thank god for once they can belong; to who, though? Maybe it's nice to just be part of something bigger than yourself, it would sure as hell explain why people join the choir. Irrelevantly, my neighbour's wife had a stroke and isn't going to make it. Apparently he cries whenever he talks about it. I hope someone cries when I die. He's old and the type who garden's constantly; they used to garden together. What is the appeal of gardenning? Is it the joy of creation, or that feeling of being at one with the earth? I'll never know. ..I miss the way I used to write, and the way I used to love it. These days are such a bore.