Hi. I'm Mandy, I'm 16 and I am the most confused person you will ever meet. I'd really like to be beautiful. I'd really like to not care about beauty. I'd really like to wear shirts that say "Fuck your fascist beauty standards" because I have my OWN beauty standards that I DO live up to, and not because I feel like I don't fit into society's one. I would like to be 'body positive'. I tried today. I really tried. I put on torquoise make up (because I can't do without any make up just yet) and I looked at myself in the mirror and tried to stick my hair in all sorts of ways and I just wanted to think 'hey, okay, so society may not want a girl like you. With dark hair and olive skin and a big nose and blahblahblah, not striking enough to be "ethnic" and "intriguing", but that's okay because you're beautiful anyway.' I promise you I tried and tried and tried and tried. It didn't work. Not only do I feel disgustingly ugly but I feel disappointed in myself for CARING that I feel ugly. I so want to be able to be ugly and know it and not give a fuck. To honestly believe that beauty doesn't matter and to not want to attract someone who thinks it does. It's okay though, it's okay. I'm going to keep trying and I'm going to read books and I'm going to try and love myself even when at the moment climbing mt everest in my underwear (And have everyone see my fat thighs?!!) seems a lot easier.