So today, i woke up and i just knew that this was not going to be a good day. Have you ever had one of those days you just knew that it was going to suck. Well that was how i felt. Anyway i just realized that Ed Westwick is in a band. Can you believe this! he is so amazingly hott and i of course am no obsessed with Gossip Girl. I mean who isn't. these people live the most amazing lives. Than here i am in bumfuck ohio living the dream... yeah right. A lot of times i wonder did i make the wrong choice in coming out here to college. i mean im out of state, out of everything that made sense for me. But did it actually make sense or did i just like it becuase it was comfortable. I can't really answer that. Sometimes i feel like i just made a huge mistake. Damnit. And you know what sucks... what sucks is my non-commital non real boy. Its been two years this month, two years since i realized i liked him. And wtf has happened? Nothing much but i think i am in love. Too bad he's a friggin drunk. It hurts alot and i don't want to like him but it just is so easy too. He's just been there for me. hes comfortable, hes hard to quit. He gets me but at the same time i think i confuse him. He hurts my heart alot. Which i don't know, is it worth it? i want to go home this weekend, but he won't be there so what is the point? i don't really think anything. I can't wait to look at this entry in two years and be like wow things have changed. Its so weird when i look at things i wrote in here from 2003 and im like i was so new and inexperienced and so stupid. I thought i knew the world, boy i didn't know nothing. things have changed so much i can't even believe it it. I forgot what it was like writing in here. its good to get out all the emotions.... <3 u