...Why...what did I do?...

Listening to: Goin' Crazy- Natalie
Feeling: sane
I don’t even know what’s going on anymore…I thought I knew what I wanted and I thought I knew what you wanted too, I guess I was wrong…who are you now? I have no clue. What happened to the person that wanted me? What happened to “I want this to work,” cause this really isn’t working for me. You told me you could see yourself fallin’ for me, what happened? What happened to the guy that told me everyday how cute I looked and how amazing I was? What happened to the guy who didn’t care what anyone thought because you “only care about me?” Remember when you said all those things? Remember when just being with me was enough? Remember when having me in your arms was all you ever wanted? Why did that change? Look me in the eyes and tell me, why all of a sudden we can only be “friends.” I don’t want to be friends, don’t you get that. And if that’s all you want from me, then tell me right now so I can start walking away. I can’t waste my time on this if all you want from me is a physical relationship. I don’t want that, I want you. I want a relationship with someone, I want someone there for me, I thought I finally found that in you. No commitment? What did you expect from me? What kind of girl did you honestly think I was? How could you lead me on the way you did and not expect a girl like me to want commitment? How could you do that? I am not that kind of girl, I never was and I’m sure as hell not going to start now. I love the way I am and I thought you did too. Remember when you told me, that night after play practice, that my attitude was extremely attractive? Remember when you asked me about being on Broadway and I said I was going to be on it instead of I want to be? Remember how that blew you away? Do you remember how you felt when you talked to me, cause I’m almost pretty sure I felt the same way too? I would have given you everything. Remember when you told me not to worry about what anyone said because I had you now? Do I still? Cause I really don’t think that’s true…not anymore. But tell me I’m wrong, please. Remember when you told me you couldn’t sleep until I called? I doubt that’s still true…but again, tell me I’m wrong. Remember when you actually acknowledged my presence at school and made me feel special when I saw you in the hall? Remember when I told you I sat in class waiting for the next time I would see you? I meant that, and I still do…I meant everything, did you? Sitting here and thinking about all those things you said…then people wonder why I felt the way I did about you. People didn’t know what went on between us…until it all changed…until you changed. Why did you build me up for something amazing only to let me down so hard? For someone who cared about me so much, I’m just not so sure now…
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