Yup…so can’t lie and say life is so great anymore…cause it kinda sucks…summer is great, don’t get my wrong, but there are some things that could be so much better, believe me I know and have fully experienced them at their full potential. So that was a stupid sentence, but I haven’t really been able to focus on anything lately. I hate this because it’s like my life is a mess again…like a week and a half ago it made so much sense and now all of a sudden, again, it’s so fucked up. I’m back to this stupid old sad and lonely mean bitch that I was in virtually all of my life. I thought I could finally give that up…guess not. Happiness is a choice, but I don’t want to be happy. Life just seems so much better when you’re here. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say here; I have no idea what I’m feeling or what’s going on. Yanno people think they have all the answers to all the situations in your life but you’re not me, no one is me but me so you can’t possibly know what is going to work best for me and sit here and preach to me about what I need and what I need to do. You judge everything off of your own experiences and what other people tell you, but that means you aren’t really doing what you want. There is always someone else’s influence on everything you do, everything you say. I’m tired of that. I do not want your advice. I do not want your concern, because when it’s all said and done, I’m me and you’re you. None of you know anything about me. Karen is the only one who knows and understands me fully 210%. That is it. The rest of you pretend. You pretend you know me. You pretend you know what’s going on in my life and exactly how it is going to end. You all have the answers for me don’t you. You all want to “protect me.†And that’s bullshit, because if you knew anything about me at all you’d know that I need to get a little bruised before I learn anything. I don’t want your fucking I told you so’s because that too is bullshit. I love how everyone pretends they knew exactly what was going to happen. I love the people that claim that, because in all actuality that’s what you’re doing right? I hate that phrase. What the fuck are you trying to prove when you say that? That you were smarter than me? Is that what you want to prove? That you were right? Who the fuck cares, I could have damn well been right but I never would have learned anything from it. I would rather learn something than be right any day. I have learned some of the most amazing things about myself through being wrong. I believe people have to make their own mistakes and you can tell them till they are blue that something is bad for them but if they never get to experience it and find out for themselves they will be forever left in doubt and uncertainty. I would rather try something and have it turn out badly then to never have tried it at all and regret it later. Regret is the worst thing in the world. I regret nothing. Ever. Let me just throw something else in here that pisses me off, people that jump to conclusions. It goes right along with the “I told you so†people. The people that think they know everything. The people that think they know better than you. It’s like them saying, you’re not living your life right, let me do it for you. That is bullshit. If you were them you’d be living their life and playing the game like they would, but you’re not. You’re you and who better to live your life, than you. I guess my point here is that if you depend on what other people tell you and you live by what other people tell you instead of living your life on your own terms and convictions you are cheating yourself. You are letting your life be lived by someone other than yourself. And I don’t care if that sentence makes sense, because it makes sense to me. Because if they think they can live your life better than you, well then God damn you might as well just die and have them live your life. I don’t know where this came from because I really am in a depressed sorta mood, not an angry one, but this is what came out when I sat down to write, so take it or leave it folks, tomorrow is another day.
Listen to your heart...before you tell him goodbye...
♥
"I don't know how he could do that to you, just stop talking. I could never do that."
What's pathetic is I believed it.
I've got no friends
and blank stares that could make my heart attack
and I miss you and don't you miss me?
I don't know just where to start it's like,
when i'm without you things just fall apart and
I know that you know i'll back i'll be home
i'm tired of telling you something that you already know
and we'll make it through this if i had just one wish
♥