Ok so I finally brought myself to write this entry and by now I’m sure all of you have at least hear and depending on who you heard it from determines how much you may or may not know. Just bear in mind that anything you did not hear directly from me has a considerable amount of error in it. I don’t think it is appropriate to tell the whole story here, because it really is none of anyone’s business and depending on how good of a friend you are to me accounts for exactly how much you know and I would like to keep it that way if at all possible. I like to leave a certain mystery about my life and unless your name is Karen you do not know everything about my life so do not assume you do based on your “closeness†to me. I don’t mean to, once again, sound like a bitch but hear me out. I was just watching The O.C. and Kirsten had a line that read: “It is impossible to know everything about someone†and it made me think…for instance, I tell Karen 100% how I feel, what I do, what other people do to me, ok she knows everything but then I look at other friendships I have, people who think they know me, but they really don’t. I like to talk and chances are you do know a lot about me either from what I’ve said directly or from what others have said about me. Now here is another point that comes to mind after watching the O.C. tonight: if I tell you something you do not have the right to call up all your friends and tell them what I said. Because if I have learned anything from going to a Catholic school all my life it is that gossip travels fast and stories get totally blown out of proportion. Did you ever hear a huge piece of gossip and go home and think, wow I wonder what the real story is? Chances are you didn’t and the reason for that is because people are trained to believe absolutely everything they hear, especially when it is bad news. How sad is that? Pretty damn sad as far as I’m concerned. But honestly, think about the last story someone told you. Consider how many other people heard the same story with maybe one or two details that were different and then consider how many of those people told other people and so on. By the time you actually heard that story how different is it from the truth? I guess I kinda strayed from my O.C. line from Kirsten Cohen, but my head is all over the place right now and I really have no idea what to think about anything. Karen and I had a similar talk about this the other night. We talked about how many people we can actually trust and I made the comment that we cannot really trust anyone, the only one I felt I could truly trust was Karen and she felt the same way about me, and we laughed about it but it really is true. Think about how many people you can honest to God 100% trust with your life. I doubt you have more than 2, 3 at the very most. Now you know those people that you tell things to but in the back of your mind you are saying “why the hell am I telling them this I know they are going to blab it all over?†you know you have those friends and that isn’t right. When someone tells you not to tell anyone about something you shouldn’t because in the end the only thing that ends up happening is the story gets twisted and fucked up. When someone re-tells a story you told them they tell it how they heard it and understood it, which can be totally different from how you felt and understood it. You know what I mean? I can guarantee you do cause it has happened to all of us. You say something to someone expecting it to keep quiet and the next thing you know people are coming up to you asking you about something you didn’t want absolutely anyone to know and trusted the people that you told to keep it that way. Trust is a very powerful thing and I guess my point here is don’t lose my trust, or anyone’s because it’s a very hard thing to gain back. You get to a point where you don’t know who’s telling the truth and who’s lying. That is where I am right now. And please don’t assume you know what I’m talking about here when you really don’t. Because unless you know me really well, as in talk to me everyday know me, or you have heard it directly from my mouth you are really only taking a story you have heard and applying it in a way that probably isn’t accurate.
I have no idea where this entry came from; actually I don’t even think it has anything to do with what is on my mind. Basically I guess what I was trying to say in all of that was don’t listen to everything you hear, if you want the real story about something, ask me first before you go spreading something around that isn’t true. And if you don’t know me I would really appreciate it if you would just listen to whatever you hear and take it with a grain of salt because like I said 110% of what you hear is fabricated, so keep your opinions to yourself and move on with your life, the life you are in control of and should be concerned with, not everyone else’s.