Ok so I had an amazing revelation last night. It goes like this: I don’t need anyone to make me happy. I realized that for the past week and a half my life has been miserable, and why? Because of totally stupid shit that I shouldn’t even be wasting my time on. Ok so yeah I was very upset and I still kinda am, but yanno what I didn’t let it ruin my day cause when it comes down to it, I know you didn’t let it ruin your day. And ok we’re gonna “talk†or whatever, but I know exactly how the conversation is going to go (and I’m not being smart when I say this at all, it’s just the truth) it is going to be you yelling at me and telling me all the things I’m doing wrong and how I’m making this so hard, while I’m just trying to talk to you about it and figure it out. Don’t you realize this doesn’t have to be this hard? You cannot make up your mind that is what is making this so hard, understand that. I’m not blaming you; I’m not yelling at you, I’m talking, just talking. I know that I’m to blame too; I know I’m not always clear about what I want. But you lead me on, a lot, you made it out that you wanted something more than just casually hooking up on the weekend. I have everything you said to me, and unless you lied, not saying you did, you wanted more than that. Tell me what changed, think about it for more than a second and tell me what changed. Is it I’m not the person you thought I was? Cause you told me that was what you liked about me in the first place. If it’s my friends, you know I didn’t care about that, I obviously gave you enough of a chance to bring things this far, did I not? So that’s not even a factor. And ok you don’t want a commitment, but then you go and get mad when I hung out with other people, you were telling me two different things all the time, because commitment = feelings involved and people getting mad and jealous. And how did I get attached so fast? I’ve liked you since freshman year on and off I can’t help it that the feelings came back. I didn’t want them too, but what else was I supposed to do, you were so incredibly nice to me and everything was finally perfect in my life. Sorry if I’m angry it isn’t anymore, but yanno I did realize I don’t need other people to make me happy, so I’m still gonna be happy but I could be happier if I had you. How happy was I for like that one week? That was because of you, no questions asked, it was you. I’d love to get that back, I’d love to be happy with you, but you won’t let me (again not blaming you, cause I guess I can see where you are coming from, but I’m just not that type of person to be with someone like that and not have anything behind it). So if you want to be with me and have something, anything, I need to know, because if not I need to walk away from this and make myself happy. I can be happy without you, but I’d rather not have to be.