So TSO this weekend and I am excited as shit!!! I cannot wait to see them and plus I get to be HOME for three days, an added plus. I can’t wait for Christmas, or even Thanksgiving at this point. Any time I get to be home for more than a weekend is a plus cause I really need it right now. You know how you can tell when you’ve reached your point where you just can’t take anymore, well I’m at that point right now. I need a break from West Chester. It’s been fun these three weeks but now it’s time to go home. I miss my bed, I miss cantoring mass, and most of all I miss my mommy and daddy, yes I’m five, deal with it, I don’t care. I’m so past the point of caring what anyone thinks about me, honestly. I feel like I’ve grown so much since I’ve been here, which is awesome cause I thought I came into college exactly how I wanted to be and everyday it seems like I’m learning more and more about myself. What I like and what I don’t, what I can handle and what I can’t, and when I need a break. I feel like I’m maturing so much. That is the thing I really love about college despite anything else. I mean I felt like I was maturing at home but now that I look at it I think I’ve realized that if I wouldn’t have left for college I would still be in the same miserable rut I was in before I left and that would have been so bad. The last few weeks before I left were hell and it all seems so surreal now, like did I really live that? Was my life that perfect once and did it all go to hell before I could even blink an eye? It all seems so long ago but at the same time I can remember everything like it was yesterday. Sometimes I still can’t believe I’m in college…where did that time go? I find myself more and more everyday thinking about summer and how amazing my life was. I want those times back but on the other hand (yes I know I’m saying that a lot, but I’ve been doing A LOT of thinking) I know if I would have stayed I wouldn’t have been happy, and as unhappy as I was here for the first few weeks I have grown to accept it and deal with it. I think I finally got it in my head that this is what I have to do, so therefore I have to just deal with it, or at least that is what I told my therapist. I took a walk on Sunday to the park and I sat on a bench for a very long time just contemplating life. I realized how incredibly happy I was in that moment. I realized that this is the first time in my life that I am totally happy with myself and my life and I am not relying on anyone to influence my happiness. That is what I am most proud of, I think, about myself since I’ve been here. I learned to make myself happy, something that I never could have done at home. I started truly living for me. Tim and I had such an amazing talk about this Friday night and I think that’s what spawned my thinking on Sunday. He make me realize a lot about myself for some reason, probably because he is so real and doesn’t sugarcoat or gloss over anything. He is very much a person who likes to lay all the cards out on the table and that is someone I admire about him and want to have for myself. I’m learning so it’s awesome, he’s teaching me so much about life, not to mention being my nutritional advisor! OMG I’ve started going to the gym too which is absolutely amazing, I love it. I’m getting up early to go tomorrow morning in hopes that not too many people will be there cause it was way to crowded tonight. But yeah I love it, so I’m going to make myself go everyday now and hopefully me and my mommy are going to join the gym at home which will be amazing. I’m getting discouraged already because I don’t think I’ve lost any weight yet but it’s only been a week, not even, but that’s just the type of inpatient person that I am. Come on ya’ll know that! Anyways, I suddenly don’t feel all that well. My stomach is very upset so I think I’m going to go lay in bed…arg I’m proably getting the shit that has been going around. GREAT just in time for TSO, well I’m going if they have to take me on a stretcher. I’ve been looking forward to this for WAY too long. So it looks like it’s time for drugs and bed for me, so hope I filled ya’ll in on my life a little bit, hopefully I don’t feel like shit tomorrow morning so I can go to the gym! Talk to ya’ll later, have a good night people!