There are certain people that you know that when they’re around you, they tend to bring out the best in you, and when they’re gone, their effect still remains. Erin can be described as one of those people. In the five years that I’ve known her, no one has given me better, funnier, smarter, or at times more frustrating conversations than her. She’s one of those people who you can’t use basic words to describe her. The word “cute” brings to mind someone who is naïve to the world, and the word “hot” makes people think of some air-headed blonde who never has anything to say that she hasn’t heard anyone else say before. “Alternative” gives off the impression that she’s got a ton of piercing on her face, and would just as soon kick your ass as talk to you, and she’s opposed to people calling her “beautiful”, part shyness and partly because of the fact that people who are considered “beautiful” are kind of timid…again, something that does not describe Erin. The best I’ve been able to come up with is “smoky”…which is a combination of compliments, rolled into one description: intelligent, semi-seductive, and sexy…and really, I’m don’t think I’m off the mark with that last one, and even that seems like a weak way to describe her. She’s one of those people who you can probably best describe her by quoting lyrics from a punk band. I’ve been trying literally since the first day I met her to get a date with her, and despite not having any success to this day, I still talk to her. Depending on who you ask, it’s either based on being stubborn, or if you ask me, it’s because I have better conversations with her than I do with anyone else. I can’t win an argument with her to save my life, even though I still say its not because she come up with that great of points, but its because of who I’m talking to, the part of me that deals with logic kind of shuts down. Very few people actually talk to her as much as I do, which is their loss, really. It just means that I’m one of the few people who realizes how smart, funny, intuitive, and genuinely interesting she is, and for that I have to consider myself lucky. In the five years I’ve been asking her out, there usually hasn’t been a definitive answer as to why she’s against it, but if it’s because one of her friends that she talked to before dated her and ruined the friendship that way, I’ll just add another name to “the list”. Even though we’re been friends for this long, and I wouldn’t stop talking to her for any reason, that would have to be the one problem I have. I tend to be kind of “out there” with my thinking…I can’t really focus on one thing for too long because I usually start on something else midway through, which accounts for a lot of lost ideas, but the idea that eventually, for some reason, I would be able to date someone who I have that much in common with hasn’t gone away. I don’t understand how something that I’m just that sure about can’t happen. She’s probably the best person I get advice from on anything from what jokes to use in stand-up material, to trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with NASCAR. Finally, I just wanted to say that the reason I’m writing this is because she’s dated guys the entire time that I’ve talked to her, they usually last a few months, they fuck up, she doesn’t take their shit, and it usually ends…but the guy that she’s talking to now seems to basically be a great match for her. It’s kind of like the idea that you’re friends with someone like this, and when they find someone that they’re happy with, the part of you that knows that they deserve to be that happy does rejoice, but still, when that happens, in your eyes the dating world becomes that much more drab and empty…I guess that comes off sounding a little different than I meant it to. Anyway, I’m sure that by writing this, though hopefully not, it’s gonna be a little awkward, but knowing her I can’t see that really happening. Besides, I’ve had enough ideas pass through my head without writing them down to know that its better to get something out before logic steps in and says not to. Anyway, I’m done.

Why is it that people give actual advice when you're sure about something, but then the second that you need honest to goodness advice on a topic, all you get is some anecdotal bullshit that you could have thought up yourself. Believe it or not people, "Well, just forget about it" and "Cheer up" are not pieces of advice. They're much more annoying ways of saying "Turn that frown upside down!" I mean, everybody gives you a piece of their mind when you don't want it, but when you really do need to hear what you should really do, you get nothin'. It's not that so many major things have been happening, its just a lot of little things that kinda build up to the point where it creates a big thing. The muffler on my car fell off...literally, fell off, so I have to get that fixed. I don't have any money right now, which means that I don't have a car which means that I don't have a way to look for a job since there's no way to get there. So in addition to no job, and no car, which also means no money, there's this stupid event thing coming up for the fraternity where you have to get a date, which I always, ALWAYS hate having to do because even though I'm a great "friend", getting dates is never my strong point. Because I'm a smart-ass, people don't know when I'm joking or not, so when I asked someone if they wanted to go, I didn't get a yes or a no, which would have been fine, I can take it, but they laughed, and theres two things a guy doesn't want to hear at a time like that: laughing, and the "awww" sound...and I woulda preferred the second one. So I picked up what was left of my motivation, came back to my place. And for all I get on the case of people (they know who they are) who do stuff like cut when they think that things aren't going their way, it's not like I'm perfect. The first thing I did when I came back was open up a beer and just basically sat around, which isn't a smart way to deal with shit like that, but at least it beats having to dwell on it all the time. Anyway, that's all I got, and this is actually a little longer than these entry things usually are, so, there ya go.

So I have been turned down by a couple people recently because of the fact that I'm in a fraternity, i.e.: a "frat boy", which is a bullshit thing to turn down somebody for. I mean, it's so much easier to just lump someone together with other people in a group with a broad generalization then to actually know anything about them. That way, you don't have to find out anything about them to find out what they're like. Great idea. Problem with that is that there's no black or white view of anybody in general, there's always a grey area that you're either going to love or you're going to hate that someone who you love or someone who you hate does. Do a lot of people in fraternities tend to act a little more hyper then most people? Yeah, sure, I guess. But then there's all the shit that goes on other then the parties, but thats not the image that people have of it, people just look at all the bad stuff, and automatically assume that everybody is like that, which is a bullshit assesment. I don't know...it's just one of those things that really pisses me off because people are making a judgement about an entire group of people based on a something they saw in a movie, or somebody that they saw one time...and thats kind of bull.

So I'm sitting here at 1:30 in the morning, when I should be in bed, thinking about stuff that I would normally block out of my head during the day. Recently, a lot of people who I know and care about have either gotten sick or have known people who have died and it kind of screwed them up for a while, and it got me thinking. Not about death, or the afterlife, or anything like that. I'm a borderline Agnostic/Atheist, so I kinda made up my mind on that one a long time ago. What I was thinking about was that we're not guaranteed a whole lot of time on this planet, so while we're here, we have to accomplish two things: we have to be one of those people that screams and rants and makes noise so they can have their voice heard, because once you're gone, you're gone for good. That's the first thing. The second thing is that for the past few years, I have had a tendency to lie about a lot of petty bullshit stuff that I really didn't need to. It turns out that some of that stuff though proved to be stuff that made people happier. So really, it was a lie that made people happier than the truth ever could have, so I'm wondering which road I take with this. In the first option, I come clean with a lot of stuff...nothing that would be harmful to anyone's health or ruin any relationships I have with people, but just stupid shit that I should have just been honest with in the first place. For example: I do stand-up now about twice a month. It's not a lot, but its a stress reliever if nothing else. The first time I did it though, I did it because I was trying to talk to this one girl, so I told her that I was going to do stand-up somewhere and I needed to try out my material on someone, and that was how I got to hang out with her. I made up a few jokes that I still use to this day, but basically, it was a lie. Now, do I just kinda let stuff like this go, or do I tell the people? Cause its stupid, petty shit like this thats been getting to me since I had kind of a "we're not really here forever" moment the other day. Anyway, I'm done ranting for the night, so I will say goodnight.

Okay, this thing is a little late coming, because the Warped Tour that I went to was something like a week ago, but I think that I have to really rant about this. Warped Tour is something of a showcase for bands that have something to prove, or have already proved something and are trying to get something back from their fans. This years staples were the usual favorites Dropkick Murphys (who gave a kick-ass performance as usual), My Chemical Romance (who converted me to a fan), and of course, the Gods of punk-pop music, Offspring, who were nice enough to NOT play "Pretty Fly For a White Guy", the song that was popular with a lot of people, but kind of pissed off their fanbase because it was a little different from what they usually played. So anyway...there is a heirachy of bands that play there, and the more popular the band is, the more requests that you can make for the fans. Fall Out Boy, who have had ONE hit song apparently didn't realize this. "Am I more than you bargained for?" is the line in Sugar, Goin' Down. And actually, from their live performance, NO...they're LESS than what I bargained for. They played about two songs before they stopped for the first time. They said that some of the people who were up front were being hurt, so people in the crowd had to take four steps back. They had about 500 or more people listening to them, and it's not like that's an easy thing to ask...but people did it. So then, they started to play one of their songs, but then they stopped and said again to take a step back. This time, people weren't so easy going. They did it, but people were pissed. So they kept interrupting their songs and asking people to take steps back. 10 steps back, 4 steps back, 5 steps back, 8 steps back...in total they wanted the crowd to take about 27 steps back. They started playing their hit song, but then they stopped again and asked people to take more steps back. People greeted them with "Fuck you!" or "You guys suck!" The rule is this for Warped Tour: if you're dumb enough to go to the front of the crowd for a band, you deserve to get your ass kicked. It's the thinning of the herd...the dumber people are the ones who get hurt. Seriously...they dont have the hit songs to have a huge crowd support to do that, and they act all safe for their fans, which is really, REALLY lame. After a while they just told people to jump up and down where they were instead of actually moving...and that's just pathetic. Anyway, overall Warped Tour was kick ass, with Fall Out Boy being a great example of what you should NOT do. Offspring, great band. Relient K: great performance. My Chemical Romance: I was impressed...very good show. Dropkick Murphy's: Great show, and the mosh pit was out of control. There were a few more shows that I saw, but I can't remember the name...overall though, great Warped Tour. That's right...Warped Tour: Ozzfest's Angry Cousin.

Keep in mind, I'm not saying word for word the speech from the movie "Bull Durham", but the general idea is lifted from a speech in the movie, so here goes: I believe that people who leave baseball games in the sixth inning if a team is down by less than four runs should be banned from games for the rest of the season. I believe that girls in relationships that don't bring their boyfriends to parties should either wear a sign that says that they're not single or just avoid coming altogether. I believe that marijuana should be legalized, and see no reason that it's still illegal. I believe that without a doubt in my mind, that George W. Bush is by far, in terms of policy, not private life, one of, if not THE worst people to ever hold the office. I believe that the minimum wage system is fucked up: if you have a job that requires physical labor and actually performs a service, you should make more money than someone who sits in an office running a company all day, since they don't really have a whole lot of power anyway. I believe that the Woodward Dream Cruise is a waste of time, energy, and gasoline that could be going into something important like my car. I believe that people who are half-ass fans of any team should not be able to buy any of those annoying flags that people put on their windows when the team is doing good. I believe that people who only buy a CD from a band because they heard their single on MTV or MTV2 should get last dibs on any and all of their concert tickets, so they stop taking them from the actual fans. I believe that people should be able to be religious, but not force their ideas onto me. I believe that people who say words like "guesstimate" and use air-quotes need to be hit with a blunt object...repeatedly. I believe that they should change the names of huge SUVs to reflect why people are buying them and call them things like "The Compensator". I believe if you have to tell me what fraction of you is Native American then you're not Native American. I believe that repirations for people who had ancestors as slaves is kind of a fucked up idea, especially since this country has millions upon millions of people whose family was still in the old country, or hadn't been kicked out of their old country until after the Civil War (like my family). I believe that if you where a shirt that says "bitch" on it, you have no right to get offended when someone calls you that when you do something stupid. And finally, I believe that you don't need to teach both sides of a debate when one side is full of crap (evolution vs. creationism). People in this country are smart enough, but they seem offended when you imply that you come from shit-flinging chimps at some point down the line, or the idea that now the closest animal to the human is the domestic dog. Also, I believe that if you call something "intelligent design", then you can't base it on the fact that the earth was started by a God who put Adam and Eve: two naked teenagers, in charge of Earth. That's REAL intelligent design. There's not even a real debate here: evolution is agreed upon, across the board mind you, by almost all scientists. Creationism is agreed on by guys who are waiting in line to see the Dukes of Hazzard movie. Saying that you came from God is as ignorant is worshiping something like the U.S. Mail. It came again! Praise Jesus! Thank you, and good night.

Alright, before I get off on a rant here, for the person that said that I was being a dick for not liking Fallout Boy's set since they were too busy childproofing the crowd to play actual music, I just wanted to say that if those people were dumb enough to stand in the very front, it's common sense that they're gonna get hurt, you realize that when you go up there. Duh! Anyway...I know that what I'm about to say is going to piss a couple people off, but it's not like I'm lying here...and I'm starting off by saying that I do know people who like NASCAR, I think of them about on par with anybody else I know, maybe think of them a little bit better than other people, so this isn't a personal attack or anything. Stop calling NASCAR a sport, though. I've seen it on television, I've picked up on the races a couple times when I was trying to impress someone and it kinda stuck with me, but these people are NOT, I repeat, NOT athletes. It's a very nice event to go to and socialize with people who think the same thing that you do, but they really don't have any more skill than a guy driving to and from work on the expressway every morning and back again at night. The racers are very fine people, I'm sure. Everyone who watches and goes to the races says that its very fan friendly and it's cheaper than most sporting events, but really NASCAR is closer to something like a Monster Truck Rally or a Drag Race or something like that. And before people get on my case and say "But everybody is entitled to like what they want, so don't make fun of it" but how come people can mock baseball until they're gasping for air, but the second that I make one sentence with saying someones neck looks a little red and suggesting they watch NASCAR, oh all of a sudden I'm just being small-minded. Like I said before, I watch the races, I know who the drivers are, not compeltely familiar with the charts like I am for the American and National League standings, but I know enough about it where I can talk to people about it. Where I draw the line is these freaks who only buy brands that their driver is sponsored by. How empty is your life that you make purchasing decisions based on the fact that it's plastered on the ass of your favorite driver? Am I the only one who finds that the least bit weird? Anyway...having said that and not having found the results, I'm ending this saying that if I had to bet even money, I'd say the winner of the MIS (not too far from where I live, really) race is either gonna be Newman or Gordon. And that's about it.

I remember when MTV used to show something that it doesn't show anymore: music videos, and when they showed them, they would be something other than rap. You could see Green Day or Weezer or something like that on during the middle of the day, before all of a sudden they started doing the whole "TRL" crap, when they don't show anything other than rap and reality shows. Some of the shows, I'll give them that, are actually pretty cool. "Pimp My Ride" isn't bad, "Real World" has its moments, but other than that, the shows suck. I mean, can anyone honestly tell me that "The 70s House" is a good show? Who the fuck doesn't know how to use a rotary phone? It's just...gah. And don't even get me STARTED on the "Andy Milonakis Show". What level of self-loathing does that man (since he's like, 27) have to be at that he's sucking up a half hour every week to watch people walk around the streets of New York begging people to be in some crappy play. I would just like to see them put something good on the air...something that isn't reality television and something that isn't rap-related. They haven't had something like that on that network for like five years at least. Anyway...enough with that rant. So I've been trying to find someone to go see Devil's Rejects, that new Rob Zombie movie that came out, but nobody is willing to see it after the fact that House of 1000 Corpses, the last movie by Rob Zombie, wasn't exactly a masterpiece. That was mostly because the censors made him take all the cool parts out to get an "R" rating. Um...thats all I can think to say about that one. The only thing that I have to bitch about now is the fact that the school that I go to, SVSU has decided that they want to charge something like 13% more for their tuition when I go back in the fall for the exact same classes, because they're being a bunch of cheap bastards. I mean, come on, I've lived on that campus for three years now, and I know that they're not really spending all that money to get their housing back up to date, and I know that they're making a lot of money off of the books that they sell for like, 200% more than they would go for in the regular world...so I just don't know what the hell they need the money for. Anyway, I'm about out of rants for the night, I'll try to update again a little sooner than this time.

I was sitting around at work today, not really in a bad mood, but realized that there was a lot of pointless bull that gets on my nerves, so I figured I'd say some of it here. I'm PROBABLY alone in most of these, but if I'm not, that'd be cool. People who make "quote marks" in the "air" with their fingers. People who say "Badda-boom, bada-bing." Next Sopranos-wanna be who says that to me is gettin kicked right in the nuts. Bad hair days. Put on a hat and go to work ya egotistical fucker. People who say "I heard that". You really, well isn't this exciting. What is this, a hearing test? Of course ya heard it ya moron, I'm standin right next to you. "Fuck off!" By any chance, did ya hear that? People who say their needs aren't being met. Here's an idea, drop some of your needs. Mickey Mouse's birthday being announced on the news like it's a real event...I don't give a shit! If I cared about his birthday, I would have memorized it years ago! And I'd send him a card! "Dear Mickey, Happy Birthday. From, Paul"...don't do that, why? Don't give a damn. No wonder the world doesn't take us seriously, we spend time on the news saying the birthday of a cartoon character. Does anybody else care that pandas in the National Zoo don't fuck? Stop telling me that they didn't fuck again this year. If they want to, they will, if they don't, they'll watch the history channel. "Innocent victims". This is bull, there are no innocent victims. Odds are at some point you did something you didn't get paid back for, if you were born on this planet, you're guilty of something, end of story. Hyphenated names...just pick a fuckin' last name, will ya? All these different phone options. When did the phone bill become life's most important document? Talking to your parents may not be the most pleasant thing in the world when you're away at school, but it shouldn't be based on whether or not you can save eight cents. Why do we need one hour photo labs? You just SAW it! How can you be nostalgic about something you saw less than an hour ago. White guys OVER ten years old who wear their baseball caps to the side. You're not gonna be as cool as black guys. You're white, and you're lame. It's a law of nature. Too many colored ribbons. Red, green, pink, etc. I suggest a brown one, for: I don't give a shit. Religious athletes who won't shut up. They thank Jesus when they win, no mention when they lose. They never say "The good Lord nicked my tire around the fourth turn". According to them, Jesus is undefeated, but they're in dead last. Eight different kinds of Axe and Ban. It's all the same, and it all smells like a pine tree. People who wear cowboy hats. It's not even Halloween! Hey Tex, grow up and get an outfit consistent with this century. It's not like you see guys dressing up and walking around like pirates or Vikings! The closest most of these guys come to cows is when they stop at a McDonalds. Camera-Phones. This is just technology gone insane. Everywhere you go, there's some dick, some putz with a Camera-Phone, and he is going to take pictures of...EVERYTHING! Are peoples lives so empty that they sit around afterwards just to sit around and look at things they just did? And it's the same ugly three people in every shot! The generations between ages 30 and 50. They had a great time when they were growing up. They grew up with a simple motto: GIMME IT, IT'S MINE! These people were given everything, and they took it all: sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Now they realize that they're old, so they turn self-righteous. They wanna make stuff hard on young people. They say abstain from sex, say no to drugs, and they sold all the good rock and punk songs for car commercials years ago. They don't really want to hear about anyone else's problems but their own. It's even in their slogans: no pain, no gain. Shit happens, deal with it. They went from "do your own thing" to "just say no" from "love is all you need" to "whoever ends up with the most toys wins". Anyway, that's all I got. I ended up having work to do after that, but still...that's not too bad for just 15 minutes of thinking.

So they're finally done arguing over who is going to be showing NASCAR races on television in Detroit and Michigan overall, and I for one could not be happier. For a while it looked like no races would be shown on regular television, but I think I speak for all regular, 18-24 year old males in the midwest with all their teeth who don't have a creepy affection for flannel and words like "y'all", when I say "Drive on at last! Drive on at last! Thank God Almighty, drive on at last!" You see, television had taken everything it could from young people. Music videos on MTV, good halftime shows with nudity in them, and, finally, coming very close to taking away our NASCAR. They announced that they would not only be showing more races on television, but that they would also be scheduling more races in Michigan, which has a lot of importance to me, because if there's anything more important than NASCAR to people in Detroit...I don't want to know it. I'm just glad they are going to be showing more races on television now. It was weird to walk through the back alleys of inner-city Detroit and not here "Fox NASCAR Sunday" coming out of every window. Or kids running down the street saying "Yo, yo! Lap 90 was sweet as fuck!" And I couldn't hear conversations I normally hear in Detroit, like "Yo, my brotha, did you see Dale Earnhardt Jr. drive last night?" And, echoing the sentiments of the entire city, he would say, "Yo, man, the driving was fly. The driving was fly." So race on, Jeff Gordon. And, drive faster Jimmie Johnson. And watch those turns Kurt Busch. The inner-city communities and myself are watching. (IN CASE YOU DIDN'T PICK UP ON IT, THIS LAST ENTRY WAS MAJOR SARCASM)

A teacher none of you had, who taught in a school no one has ever heard of died today, and received little recognition outside of the 1,400 person city he taught in. A group of men wearing jerseys and shorts won a basketball game today, and millions upon millions of people know it. There is, in fact, a point to this, and that is that people who do extraordinary things are never the ones who get the recognition they deserve. People have called the Detroit Pistons a "group of heroes" to the city of Detroit, and have apparently saved it from itself, when really all they've done is get paid millions upon millions of dollars to play a game. The people who actually deserve the recognition that's always given to other people for lesser work, never actually get the credit they should, like the teacher who died recently. Why should he deserve special recognition? Because he did things that no one normally does in this day and age. After being in the school system for more than thirty years, he didn't stop caring about his teaching, and was in fact working on lesson plans up until a few weeks ago. He didn't do the typical method of treating every student like a number, who sits in their class and has to learn about whatever subject they're teaching, instead he had a vested interest in his student's lives, knowing what they did, how they were, and anything that's important to them. He didn't do what so many teachers do when recommending a college, and suggest people go to a community college. Instead, he told people to do better than they thought they could, instead of just following the advice of a guidance counselor. None of you actually met this person in particular, but I'm sure that somebody knows someone like this, someone who does above and beyond what they need to, but never requests, nor receives, the credit they so richly dserve. Paris Hilton loses her dog or attends a movie premiere and it's front page news. A basketball team wins a game and they're given demigod status. I'm not saying that these people don't deserve some recognition for some special talent (except Paris Hilton, who has no worth), but lets put things in perspective! Teachers and people in related fields affect peoples lives in ways that even they don't know are possible. They suggest and teach things that you would never think to remember yourself, but for some reason, people who go out and play a game that has no bearing on your personal life, or do things that you could care less about are getting front page articles. People always seem to remember these teachers or kinds of people after they've left and gone, saying what a waste it is for them to leave, after all the good work they've done. This teacher in particular taught high school and middle school students, and at the same time managed to teach adult education classes at night. Not because of the money it brought him, or the recognition, it was the fact that he actually liked doing it. I'm not saying that the guy should have a plaque in his honor, but lets at least try to level the playing field so that people who actually make a difference get a little more attention, and those who win sporting events and movie awards are shoved down our throats.

So I go to this party tonight, because I didn't really have anything else to do, and plus people are always getting on my case that I don't go out enough. So I decided to just kinda give in and go to a party. It was at one of my fraternity brothers' houses, so it wasn't like a fraternity party, there were just people from the fraternity there. So I'm talking to this one girl, she turned like, 19 or whatever today, so she's drinking, and some douchebag says how I do stand up, and one of the things that I hate about when people say that is I'm right away expected to say something funny, which I don't like. So I'm talking to this girl for really, a majority of the night, and she's drinking, I have a few drinks, whatever, and she's saying how I seem like I'd be a great guy to go out with, I'm funny, I "rock", whatever the fuck that means, so I was gonna ask her if she wanted to hang out some time. So we're outside, her friend is smoking, so she's out there with her, and I'm talking to her, and MID-CONVERSATION, she calls up some guy, he doesn't pick up, so whatever. So I said he was a fuckin' lightweight for being in bed by 1:30 on a weekend night, and she goes "Well, that's my boyfriend, so he said that we're hanging out tomorrow". So here is my requirement for girls who come to these parties: either come with your boyfriends or DON'T COME. The point of going to a party is to socialize with people, and to allow people to hit on you. If you have a boyfriend then you should bring him along with you or you shouldn't be able to take part in these things. Sorry, but you can't get a guys hopes up by being nice to him, only to cut in with a comment that involves something that your boyfriend did. So after I get done with that conversation, I go and talk to this one blonde girl. Sober, doesnt smoke, smoking hot. So I go over to her, and I only had a little bit of a buzz, so I go "FINALLY, somebody here is sober to talk to". And she reads my shirt that says "WWJD...FOR A KLONDIKE BAR?" Now, keep in mind that that was ALL the shirt said. It didn't say: "WWJD FOR A PIECE OF ASS" "WWJD FOR SOME POT" "WWJD TO KILL SOMEBODY" It only asked what Jesus would do for a Klondike Bar. I don't know what's offensive about that. But she did, and she goes "I can't believe you would wear that shirt, it's offensive!" So she's saying that if Jesus walked the Earth today, he wouldn't find anything appetizing about a chocolate covered ice cream bar? I find that very hard to believe. I started to make excuses, like "Well, it was the only clean shirt I had" or something like that. But then I realized, "No...she's just a bitch. This is my personality, and I'm not gonna be a fuckin poser just because she's hot." So that ended that right there. So basically, new rules for girls at parties: IF YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND, STAY THE FUCK HOME THOSE WHO ARE SINGLE, AT LEAST BRING A SENSE OF HUMOR. And with that, I bid you goodnight. KRUSTY: The animal we used for the burgers died out. HOMER: What kind of animal was it? Cow? KRUSTY: No. LENNY: Pork? KRUSTY: No. Think smaller...more legs.

Yeah, yeah, I know, been a while since I put anything in here. It's really a combination of nothing happening and then when I did have something happen, I was just never able to get on here for one reason or another. It's not like anything overly new has happened to me since I like to keep things going at a pretty even keel, but a few accidentally interesting situations happen. For instance, I'm in my third year here, and I'm taking MATH082, which is the equivalent of 10th grade math. Anybody want to guess what percent I got in that class? A 41%. I can't pass high school math during my third year in college, how fucking sweet am I. So then Thanksgiving rolls around, nothing out of the ordinary happened there, my sister ate over with her fiance and that was about it. They decided that they were going to become Jewish for some reason, and normally that would count as a surprise at the family table, but it was actually kind of tame. So the tuition thing is due pretty soon (today, actually), and I tell my dad about it, he claims I never told him about it until Saturday, I know that he just can't remember and won't admit that he's wrong. So he gets all pissed at me and says that I'm wasting the money for the family, blah blah blah, I can't keep asking for money for every little thing, blah blah blah, and even though I got a half-ass apology that, even though he tried, sounded like it was just Round 2 of his rant rather then actually apologizing for anything. So then I tell my sister that I'm not gonna be a teacher anymore because I honestly don't think that I could deal with kids day in and day out on that long of a basis. I wouldn't want to teach young kids, and if I was teaching in a high school, I know I would just fuck with the grades of people who are popular. Why? I don't know, spite, anger, revenge...any one of those sounds about right. So she goes off on this rant about why I should be a teacher. Then I tell her that I really want to do something with journalism, or maybe become a writer for something with some of the ideas that I have. She says that I'm really not funny enough to make it on my own with that, and how she'll laugh when I just go back and get my teaching degree because it'll be 5X more expensive to get it when I'm out of school. So that was my holidays: I'm wasting the family money for a wedding that I don't even want to go to, because you can't go by yourself, and you can't really take somebody that you just met to a wedding, that's like a six-month-in kind of deal, and my record for women lately has been...well see, I have a shitty record with that anyway. AND I apparently am not funny enough to do anything with my writing. See? That's why when you first go home for break you wonder why you didn't come home before. About four minutes in, it dawns on you. Anyway, I'm outta here, until I feel like writing in this again...PROBABLY before the end of the week again. MAX: You think YOUR life sucks? My ex-girlfriend, who was a vegan, punk feminist left me because she said THAT I was too angry. --SAW

These are in no particular order, they're just the five best in whatever category I think of, not necessarily in that order. TOP FIVE COMEDIES Blazing Saddles Young Frankenstein Monty Python and the Holy Grail This Is Spinal Tap National Lampoon's Animal House TOP FIVE TELEVISION SHOWS The Simpsons South Park The Daily Show Family Guy Mystery Science Theater 3000 TOP FIVE COOL ACTORS Samuel L. Jackson Johnny Depp John Cusack Robert DeNiro Al Pacino TOP FIVE CDs Rock Against Bush: Volume 1 (For the bands, not the message) American Idiot The Beatles (White Album) Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band Dookie TOP FIVE COMIC ACTORS John Candy John Belushi Steve Martin Jack Black Bill Murray TOP FIVE STAND-UP COMICS The Amazing Jonathon Denis Leary Sam Kinison Chris Rock Bill Hicks TOP FIVE DRAMAS The Godfather The Godfather Part II Awakenings Shawshank Redemption Goodfellas TOP FIVE DIRECTORS Kevin Smith Alfred Hitchcock Quentin Tarentino Martin Scorsese Mel Brooks TOP FIVE BANDS The Beatles Green Day Led Zepplin Nirvana Queen TOP FIVE GUITARISTS Brian May (Queen) Jimmy Page (Led Zepplin) Eric Clapton (Cream, Derek and the Dominoes) Jimi Hendrix Duane Allman (Allman Brothers)

...and other words that describe the man that won the presidency. Now, I know that I do have a couple of friends who are Reps. and proud of it, and are annoyed that I hate Bush with such a passion, but just bare with me that after this little rant, it'll be out of my system, so I can just go back to avoiding talking politics with you like I did before. But for now, I rant. The 18-24 year olds of this country need to wake the fuck up. They have every group possible pleading with them to just get out there and vote so that they will support either side. Celebrities, politicians, teachers, anyone else who's an adult...all of them want people their age to vote, and for some reason, they stay away from the polls in droves! If as many young people would have voted that people were thinking, Kerry would have taken the popular vote by about 2 million, but the group he appealed the most to was also the most apathetic. How can people look at what Bush did during his four years "running" the country and think that he's a good candidate! The deficit, the unemployment, fucking up not ONE, but TWO international incidents, pissing off the world, starting up and then not funding No Child Left Behind...all of that, and the man gets re-elected! When you think about it, he has committed every major crime known to man just shy of rape and people don't understand that this is probably not only the worst choice for president, but he would be the worst choice for a city council member! The man can't put together an entire sentence let alone plan out four years of a country that he fucked up in the first place! I don't know, maybe I'm just being pessimistic because there's no system of checks and balances anymore because every house is controlled by the same party. With the Supreme Court up for grabs for the republicans, we're not living in a democracy anymore, we're living in something that closely resembles Russia. One party ruling everything, with no chance for an outside opinion to filter in because they hold all the cards. So there ya go. Enjoy who you voted for, but that also means that you get to enjoy everything that goes along with it. Be it the wars that will be going on in Iraq, Iran, and North Korea. The college costs, the unemployment rate, and the gas prices that should routinely go up to about $3 by the end of his term. Enjoy it, because you deserve what's coming to you. As for the rest of us, the smart ones who didn't vote for Bush, I applaud you, and I should remind that you that there IS a one year waiting list for Canadian citizenship in case you were wondering. If not, there's always the Northeast. BUSH: If I am re-elected, we will not an have all-volunteer army! SUPPORTERS: What? Huh? BUSH: I'm sorry...we WILL have an all-volunteer army!

Alright, I haven't updated in a while, and I know that if I don't do this every once in a while, then I get messages sayiing that I don't update enough. So here goes. I was really going to update this thing last weekend, but I got unusually drunk on Saturday, and was in no shape to do anything, let alone write complete sentences, on Sunday. Then during the week, there was the whole "studying for finals" thing during the week, so...ya know. It's not like I can sit down and type shit out. So Saturday...interesting story. I go out, and don't really plan on drinking that much, but just on the off-chance that I don't have anything to drink there, I bring a little one-liter bottle of Mountain Dew, with some stuff mixed in. Well...that didn't really last long, because I got bored, started sipping on it...and drank almost half of a fifth of alcohol in ROUGHLY 30 minutes. I don't really remember what I did for the rest of that night, but I WAS able to piece it together from random accounts. Apparently they found me in the backyard when I was asleep on the porch. Before that, I hit on my roommates girlfriend from freshman year...in front of her boyfriend. Luckily, I was drunk and could chalk it up to that, so there was no awkwardness between us after that, so that was cool. So I got finals this week, and then I go home. I'm not overly excited about going home. I mean, it's not like I'm not looking forward to it, I mean I do have all of my stuff there, and I don't have to go to class, but still. Christmas kind of gets on my nerves. It's not that I don't like buying stuff for people, it's just that really it's one of those things where people get all pissed off, and they chalk their douchebaggery up to "Hey, it's the holidays! I'm stressed!" No, you're a dick, and you can blame it on the holiday. Plus, it's the whole thing that my sister has a fiance and they'll be over, and my brother through some cruel twist of fate has a girlfriend...so that's gonna be getting on my nerves. On the plus side, I can come back up here during the break if I want to, which I will on New Years Eve, because I'm kind of the D.D. for the New Years Eve party for whatever party is up here. It's not like I'm doing this out of the kindness of my heart only, I'm doing this because I'm getting $30 for doing it...so go me. Anyway, That's about it...I'm just about out of stuff to write, so I'm outta here. *KRUSTY SPEAKS SPANISH, CROWD GETS PISSED* KRUSTY: What? What did I say? BUMBLEBEE MAN: You said you would vomit on their graves! KRUSTY: Ohhhhhhhh! So THAT'S why my maid quit.

Okay, as kind of a disclaimer, I don't hate the people who celebrate Sweetest Day, I know it's one of those "relationship" days that people in relationships look foward to, so this isn't really directed at you, it's just directed towards the fuckers who actually came up with, and continue to promote, this dumbass idea. Valentine's Day is enough to actually make single people feel like there's something wrong with them, and that's okay, because it happens in February, so you've still got the Christmas and New Years rush that can die down. But Sweetest Day? Come on, they didn't even try to hide the fact that this is just to sell candy, cards, jewelry, and restaurant passes during the regular down time this time of year. It's OBVIOUSLY not a guy holiday, if you even want to call it that. It's kind of the lesser known holiday...kind of like the token ugly guy in a boy band? He's in there, but people go out of their way to either hate or mock him. I am fully aware of the fact that I'm only saying this because I'm single, but I also know that no guy in their right mind who is in a relationship actually looks forward to this day in anticipation of shelling out at least $50 on something. This dumbass holiday already screwed me over, too. I was supposed to hang out with a couple of people this weekend, nothing major, but just kill some time and hang out, but because all of them are in relationships now, I'm stuck hanging out either by myself, or with other single people, which is equally depressing and annoying. Here's how I think Sweetest Day came around: a bunch of card and candy company CEOs were sitting around one day, and one guy laughs and says "How dumb do I think Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots another holiday." "Look, Frank, Americans are pretty gullible, but they're not gonna buy gifts for a second Valentines day!" "*Laughs* Oh, yes they are! Let's just tell them it's just another day to show that you care!"...and Sweetest Day was born.

Heard one of those bullshit "no rejection rejections" the other day, which resulted in people telling me that I'm too nice, which is why I don't have more success with women, so I decided to pull this little rant up. Enjoy. This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style. This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you. This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that. The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single. So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, the nameless hero, the one who gives accolades, who always gives acknowledgement, and the ones who always express gratitude. We do have credibility in this society, but when will our well deserved vindication be coming?

There's a bunch of people protesting this week at the Republican National Convention in New York, and police officers are really freaking out about this, because they think that there's going to be all this chaos and there's going to be all these problems. So, to those who are going to New York to protest next week, I have this to say: there is no better way of showing your freedom of speech then acting showing your freedom of speech! I'm tired of people protesting something by just writing quick little lines in the paper about it and then shutting their mouths! What we need right now is action from people to get stuff done, and I don't think that I'm nuts for thinking that! You know what we need right now? We need: a riot. These people who show up to these things are soooooooo dull. For example, if you've been making a paper mache mask of Dick Cheney for a couple weeks now, light that sucker on fire, and throw it through a Starbucks window! If you're lesbian, and you have a sign that says "Lick Bush", then throw it through a window of a Gap! We should have riots like the ones that drove white people from the cities originally! I mean, the kind that they had in the 1960s that got Detroit that on wonderful little spiral it went on for a few decades! If there is anything left that says "Trump" after September 3rd, when the convention is over with, you people are a bunch of pussies who should just keep your mouth shut for the rest of any events! I mean, come on, just shouting down people when they talk is so boring! Nothing is going to get you on the nightly news faster then a picture of you throwing a garbage can threw the window of Starbucks! I mean, come on people, this is America! We turn cars over when we win a sporting event! Only to turn them over again when we lose the next year! It's not like we don't know HOW to riot, we just really suck at when we do it! I mean, if you're gonna do it, do it over something big, right? Anyway, I'm done. Comment if you think I'm wrong, even though I make a pretty good point here. I'm outta here.* PETER: Thank you Jesus! *Up in HEAVEN* JESUS: No, no, no...actually, it was... BUDDHA: *Sigh* It's alright, I'm used to it. * = That was mild sarcasm just now.

Alright, to start off, anybody who clicked on the link for this thinking that I was the one that got arrested, hate to break it to you, but it wasn't me. There is an interesting story about that that I have, but I'm not the one who got arrested, but I'll explain that in a little bit. First, its been a while since I updated, so I did the whole Warped Tour thing. It was the first time there were a lot of actual punk bands there, instead of just the bands that play Good Charlotte and Simple Plan-type punk music, or as I call it, "crap". Anyway, Bad Religion was there, some band called Billy Talent, Yellowcard put on a decent enough show, and Flogging Molly just kicked ass for their show, so that was sweet. Almost every band that was there, when they were done with their set, decided that they were going to say something about the whole "voting Bush out of the White House in 2004" thing, which was really, REALLY big with the crowd that was there. I got a "Not My President" t-shirt, but since there were like, 20 other people I saw with that same shirt, it wasn't as original as it normally would have been. Anyway, overall it was a great concert, got sunburned as hell on my face, but other then that. I got to talk to Bowling for Soup again, which was cool. If you don't know who they are, they're kind of a smart-ass punk band who don't take themselves overly seriously, so they usually put on a great show. I got my picture with them, talked to the guy from Yellowcard, the guy from Billy Talent, and then a couple of the guys from Bad Relgion. Anyway, it was just a great show all around, so that was fun. Now for the whole "getting arrested" thing. I got invited to go to the Tigers/Mariners game yesterday (one of the best games Ive ever been to for them, the Tigers won 11-10 in the bottom of the 11th) So I drove myself there, and we all met up at Hockeytown Cafe. It was me, four guys from the fraternity at my school, and then like six guys from the national headquarters for the fraternity. All of them, except for me and my one friend, were drunk. So we're sitting in the stands after the 2nd inning when there had been three home runs so far in the game. Well my one friend goes "I'm gonna go get those balls." because they were hit in an area in front of the fountain at Comerica Park, so no one bothered to go get them. I told him that was a stupid idea. "Screw that, I'm getting them!" I told him, AGAIN, that it was a stupid idea, but he kept insisting that I didn't know what I was talking about. So I finally just gave up and let him go do it. He goes over the railing and is walking along the side of the ledge, picks up the balls, sprinklers come on, and he calls ONTO the field. He gets up, security comes towards him, and apparently, THEY'RE wrong for doing that, and he kind of does the whole "What!? What did I do wrong!?" thing. After that though, he does quietly go with them, gives one of the baseballs he got to a kid in the stands for some reason, and walked out. Apparently, from what he said when we were looking for him, they put him in the drunk tank, then they kicked him out of the stadium, and gave him a $500 fine. So really, the three baseballs cost him $500...nice. Anyway, so he gets kicked out after being arrested by stadium security, gets all offended they did that, and headed off to a bar. Yes, it was proud, PROUD moment for us all in the fraternity. Anyway, that about does it for me. Until I can think of more stuff to rant about, I'm outta here. JOSH: I have unusually high standards for girls. STEVE: Yeah, they have to actually like you.