you konw what goddamnit? i didnt even get to see the dead man. i really really was hoping i'd get to... but later when i talked to my cousin she told me he was all yellow. then we made these sick little jokes about crawling in the coffin and jsut hangingout and kicking the dead man out. then our potsmoking aunt made us go out to her car w/ her. then she asked us these really weird questions about short and long and red and white.
my potsmoking aunt called me out to her car...
............................
and all i got was a lousy silver chain.
actually its not that lousy. its really nice and shiny and it belonged tomy grandmother, who is now also dead. god... too many people are dead.
so then we went with the cousin and my psycho uncle(not of the potsmoking variety) and went to eat at this place by a creek (aka crik in ut) but it was too long. so we went to this crappy mexican food place and my cousin and i and the boys went outside and we were walking in the creek and i got the bottom of my skirt all wet. it was fun. tim slipped and muddied his pants.
my uncle stayed teh night at our house. the cats knocked over his water... so guess what we did with them........?
we locked them in my room with me.
tonight, i may actually get to sleep. imagine that.
nobody is around to talk to. not jordan or arjay or liz or rob or tasha. oh well. maybe i'll "ask" arjay for hs email again. but... haha i already know. just "checking"
quote marks are really fun!!!!
"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
then today we had to go back to the fucking mortuary for the service. i feel really creepy going ot services lately since i am "questioning my faith" there i go wiht the "" again. oh well. it was a pretty service though. i'll figure out how to get it here or something mabye. when ihave nothing to do tomorrow. i keepf orgetting it is friday.
well jordan is coming back from his moms tomorrow. i am both happy and pissed about this. "check the signature bagel-o" gag me.
my brother cried because there was sauce on his roast beast sandwich from arbys. lmfao.
i am sort of hating life. i've been listening to practically nothing except mcr and evanescence, and let me tell you, it does not do much to improve my sate of mind. i sit in the car listening to the discman completely spaced out... oblivious to my surroundings and all.
THIS MELODIC VIOLENCE
The thrashing of the hateful words
The pounding of relentless drums
The stinging pitch of strings
Volume to deafen
It calms me
Screams unheard over
My music
Sobs and taers are muted
This melodic violence
Bringing me down
Raising me up
What was spoken from the darkness
Lingers in my mind
This melodic violence
That I would die without
Bringing hatred to my eyes
Tears to my heart
Ripping me open from the inside
This melodic violence
My undoing, My demise
My sanctuary, My Messiah
it is old but it feels sort of right today.