GOD I CANT TAKE THIS... ugghh... im not even sure whats happening. I just, ughh... so many people tihnk im sucha push over, and i just get used so much. i hate it.. but i dont know how to stand up for myself anymore. I hate hurting other people. I hate it soooo much. Its the worst feeling in the world. But i hate being used, i hate being tooken for granted, i hate how i feel after i give up on things just so other people will be fine, i hate the way i am. God im sucha loser... ughhhh!! I dont know what to do.. i mean, im obviosly hurting people anyways.. so whats the point of trying sooo freaking hard not to, if its not gonna matter in the end. Even the people i look up to, and i care for alot.. im hurting them. But then again, if im second guessing myself, and evn wondering if it is me.. or evn when i dont know.. i shouldnt just guess its me u know.. cus not everything revolves around me, and thats like self centrered-ish... but god, thats all i keep thinking about. There way worse things that have been going on lately.. but this is all i can think about. ugh GOD!.. no one problee has any idea at all what im talking about, and i hate it.. i hate this. EVrthing i do lately seems to effect this situation, and god.. i dont want it to. i want people to be happy.. i dont want this to be happening, its some big triangle.. and i hate it. Crying... frick, ahh this just makes things worse. Im sucha bad person, god.. i try sooo hard, and.. ughh... i dont notice, and ughh... man. wow. This is so wierd, how im like all effected. So many people have used me, so many people have just thought im like this super nice person.. who wudent do anything to hurt anyone.. and right now, god.. im not that person. I hated always being the person everyone could just say anything and do anything to.. and i wouldnt say anything, or show anby emotion... but i cant take it. I just wish things were normal.. i wish things were like they were, in grade 8... a while ago, before anyone realized how one change in life.. could have such a mojor effect on us. I just, i dont want to have anything to do with this anymore.. once again, im gonna pull myself out for a while.. i hope it changes things, makes things better... and i hope the things i want to change do.. and the things i dont want to change.. dont... god, i just dont knwo what else to do. Happy-ness.... thats it. Ive gotta stop this, ive gotta just find another way.. becus i dont think this other person can... but ughhh, i dont want to.. so badly.