My friends make me happy... lol and i havent seen them as much, and yesterday.. jake brad n talyor called me and asked if i wanted to hang out with them, and i really wanted to.. but i said id call them back, cus my mouth really hurt, and my cheek wus so swollen so i had to grab some ice.. lol but they ended up just walking over, at first i liek freaked out, cus i didnt want them to come.. but i wus so glad they did. lol.. so we just started walking, and i had my hand on my cheek for liek 10 minutes, and then i jsut decided i didnt care, there some of my really good friends... and they didnt care, lol and i didnt after a while either. We walked all the way to the bridge.. and jake n brad had jumped off it already, and i really wanted to.. it just looks liek so much fun, and it would be sucha rush.. but the weather wusnt the best.. and i didnt wanna go in first.. so we were there for liek an hour,,just talking.. and having fun. There the funniest kids, lol i love them.. they always make me so happy. Brad had got off the bridge and walked into the river, and wus just floating around... so i wus leaning ovr the railing, and jake came an put his arms around me, lol and pretended to liek push me in.. but then he pulled me back, and we jsut started talking.. like we use to.. all the time. and i liked it. They've all grown alot.. brads huge, jakes taler too.. same with taylor, but not as much. umm.. oh, we finally decided we werent gonna jump, cus it wus kindah cold.. so jake n talyor got on the bikes, n started going, n i wus wlakig with brad.. and while he wus putting his clothes back on[he had his boxers on lol] i convinced him to come jump with me.. but we didnt end up doing it lol. So we walked off the bridge, but they hid his shoes.. so brad went to get them, and jake told me to get on the pegs of his bike.. so i did.. lol and we all road to this huge rock, and just sat there waiting for brad. They told me something brad had told them... it kinda made me mad.. cus it wusnt true, and.. idunno i dont wanna be known for things liek that.. but i just forgot about it, it didnt bug me.. cus they knew it wusnt true. But then brad came, and so we sat there n talked n stuff.. lol n then we went over to my house.. and i gotta ride on jakes pegs.. but i kept falling, lol so then i sat on the handle bars, it wus fun lol. Hmm.. then i gave up, and just walked with taylor.. and we talked.. lol i just really missed talking to all them, taylor evn seems like hes like... gotten older. lol its wierd, hes just way more open, at least with me he is. umm.. we got to my house, n were jumping on the tramp, stuff happened... lol brad had this idea that wed go in the shed for two minutes.. it wus kinda pointless lol, my cheeks were so swollen, and i have stitches in my mouth, and i didnt wanna do anything... so nothing happened.. i wus kinda happy. it wus stupid lol, but then we just all started talking.. again. i know it sounds like thats all we did.. but it wus so much fun. They told me so much, lol.. i learned soo much. They told me like.. all their fantasies.. lol, and like the things theyd like in a girlfriend, lol it wus funny. I kinda understood it, lol.. and i got what went wrong before with like.. tehre relationships.. and mine. We got into this one topic.. lol, and it lasted really long... and they told me all there experiences lol.. im not gonna say it tho, it could get embaressing. its a normal thing lol.. but then we started jumping, and it wus cold n sorta dark, lol so jake wrapped his arms around me n we were jumping liek that.. lol i missed him. N then he had to go home cus he had to pack for quebec the next day. God there so funny though.. i love them. Taylor n brad stayed, n we went inside.. and had ice cream, lol and i hadda put frozen peas on my cheek, lol.. but i didnt care. And we kept talking.. i think last night wus the most ive laughed in a really long time. I know its not good to be dependent on someone or some thing to make u happier.. but this works for me. lol I know this is probably the most boring, n longest entry, but i had fun, and i felt liek writing it all down.. not for everyone to read lol I realized so much last night.. i wus stupid, when the chances i had.. ended, i thought most of it wusnt my fault. But i realized.. why everything happened the way it did. I realized why it didnt work out, and why he acted the way he did. Sometimes uve just gotta realize what the other persons thingking, and i try to think about that.. but i couldnt understand how something so good.. could become horrible. I kind of gave up after a while.. i dont know what it is that keeps me holding on, its almost as if.. ugh i dont know.. i just always hold on a little bit, evrytime..through everything that happens. and last night, i realized that im still doing it. Later, i talked to jake again, and we had the best talk lol. hah, it wus so mcuh fun. Were taking charge lol.. were gonna find someone, and have fun, we gave tiips.. and were gonna mke it last lol. The only thing that bugged me, wus that i think i know who id want that person to be.. but i dont know if i can do that again, i mean.. we talked alot.. things were said, but i held back a bit.. this problee makes no sence.. but i had fun.