Wow..omg i just wrote this huge entry.. and then it didnt save...Ughh!.. lol okay, im fine.. this just makes me mad. I can try an remember evrything i sadi tho.. lol..oh n i changed the pic over there too lol <--- me and linh were taking stupid pictures lol.. and yah, its just there..lol Hmmm, okay well.. I started off with saying how i know i dont like doing private entry's all that much, cus i let lots of stuff ou ton here... but im not so good at mentioning evryones names.. so i guess when i do private entrys, i dont have to worry. Hmm, whats new.. lol ahh whatever im just gonna start over. Okay, lol anyways.. im at my dads house for the weekend.. i havent been down here for a reall long time.. an his wife[my step mom] is still a idiot.. i hate her, and it takes alot for me to hate someone.. i mean, theres alot of reasons why i dont.. but like as soon as i walked in the door she says "Ohh.. what a surprise.. chelsey your here. What, did u finally decide that your only father wus more important then sports?" i said nope.. thats not it, sports arent more important.. and she goes "well.. i guess its selfishness" and she walks away... ugh, its not evn that bad of comments.. but frick, i hate her.. just everything she says to me is eaither sarcastic.. or, she just dusnt talk to me at all lol..enough about her tho. Hmm, me and linh went to the waterslides today.. it wus fun, i havent seen her for a reall long time.. we got tanned.. and these 2 guys were following us around the whoele day lol, but its all good. Hmm, then we went to the cheesecake, for my brothers birthday.. and then we drove my sister home.. and on the way back, i gotta drive lol, cus my gramma just didnt feel liek driving lol.. It was a 40 minute drive, lol i had some fun. Anyways.. now im at linhs.. and i havent gone to sleep at all.. agian.. thats been happening to me lots.. but otnight there were all these drunk people over here, until like 4 in the morning, so i didnt try to get to sleep anywyas lol.. but linh was asleep at like 3. Besides what ive been doing, theres something really bothering me.. its wierd, its not just one thing though.. its tuns of things all together. But, okay.. First of all, i always try so hard not to take things for granted, and jennies always reminding me about it.. and it helps, lol cus i dont want to.. but, i still think im findign myself doing it. Im regreting things i took for granted before.. people i took for granted, memories.. lots of things. But now.. i tihnk im taking someone else for granted... but im not sure if theres anyway i cant. I've been so messed up lately, and idunno.. ive been telling not2 many people really.. but one of thems away.. and idunno im just super confussed. We hung out, and tho we cudent think of anything to do.. we just had fun talking lol.. and i relaized so much mroe things about this person.. and its amazing. Im just soo confuzed right now.. i dont know if its because i cant talk to them, or without them gone.. im realizing what ive been doing.. im playing games.. and i dont mean to at all.. i shudent be, and i cant. If something is so amazing, and good.. u have to realize it.. u have to hold on to it.. and ive been trying to keep it, ive been trying to not take the friendship...nope, wait.. the person for granted. Its not all the time i find sumone like this.. its nto all the time tha anyone dus.. but someone already did, before me.. and they still like this guy alot. and as much as i enjoy what ive had.. i dont know how i can keep talking to this person all the time, as much as i have and stuff..without wreckign things for other people. Not that its wreckign anything.. its, idunno.. its not the right thing to do.. which is why i shudent let anything happen right? ugh i dont know im so confussed.. kay im jsut gonna let this out, i dont really care who reads it right now.. im just gonna try n be honest. Okay, umm jake. When we broke up... i hated the way things were.. we were such good fridsn before, and that all ended. all of the sudden it wus if he wus to good for me.. he may have not have meant for it to seem that way.. but thats how i felt.. and evrytime id see one of my frinds, or any girl talking to him.. thered be this little thing inside of me, and i felt like sumthing wus missing. Before wed gone out, hed always been there for me, and we talked an hung out lots.. and we just told eachother anything, and said anything cus it didnt matter.. whatevewr we said to eachother, didnt change anything. And well.. so many people like him.. and idunno, i just sort of gave up u know... lol there wus really no point. An whenever id hear of him doing things with other people.. id get like.. jealous i guess, not tuns.. there wus just sumthing inside of me.. and i hated it. I hate feeling liek that.. yet, i nvr told anyone about it.. i mean things are getting better, and its getting more normal.. lol but idunno.. im just scared this is whats happening to someone else. They may not say anything directly stating that they feel anything the same, or close to this.. but im just worried that they could.. and im just not another thing they have to worry about, and i dont want to be.. ive messed up before, and i jsut dont know what to do now..i could be wayy off base.. but ive been there before, and idunno.. yepp -mac..clingy is off the list.. lol just thought id fill u in.. cus u helped me lots lol- Hmmm.. okay, i guess thats it. lol Sorry, it wus pretty long.. and may not make any sence to many people, but.. i tryed.