God.. every single time i talk to him, i just... ughh god. Sometimes he acts like hes way to good for me, and then other times.. its the complete opposite. God its drives me crazy. I just do... i like him. And, idunno.. i usually have to start a conversation now, but even when he asks me questions, or pretends to care how i feel, or what ive been up too.. it makes my day lol. He shudent have such an effect on me. I mean.. we talk, and im all happy, and then he'll stop.. and im like depressed. God, then other people talk about him, and they've got what i had.. what we had.. u know lol. I dont why i cant just let go, i want to..at times, lots of times. But i cant, and sometimes i dont evn know if i want to. God, i just wish id move on.. i have a problem. it shouldnt be this hard... its been like, atleast 4 months, im pretty sure. lol i just hate it. I wanna move on so badly, but then... i dont. Its so stupid. I should know what i want by now, ive experienced lots with him, i should know what i need now right? Ive got over other guys that meant lots to me, and im fine that were friends now. But, this times differnt. I just wish hed help me you know, like i wish we could be just liek we were before anthing else happened between us. If we hung out more again, and stuff.. like we did before, maybe it would be easier? who knows.. cus it could make it harder. But ugh, i think im over it, but then im not.. an i try to move on, but i cant.. without hurting other people. So im stuck here. Sometimes its not all that bad tho, cus whenever im not all depressed an stuff, its cus were having fun, liek we did before. God.. hes just so aamzing, i hate it. But whatever, lol hes gotta be happy.. he already gave me another chance, and if he were to give me another one.. i dont even know if id take it.. cus id problee end up getting hurt again. I just wish things would get all normal.. i miss him sometimes, and im jealous of so many people.. its so stupid. I say im not, i tell myself im not.. but i think i am.. evn over the littlest comments. I just love the way he made me feel.. and whenever someone else makes me feel like that, i just.. idunno. never mind.. im hooked on him lol haha im sucha loser.. ill get over this somehow.. ill just forget about it lol Xo Chels oX