This troubleshooting guide will provide you with information about Life. You will find solutions to common problems that were encountered while living your life. It will also answer some Frequently Asked Questions in regards to life and some of aspects. General information DISCLAIMER This troubleshooting guide reflects my best efforts to account for and attempt to solve problems that you may encounter while living. I make no representation or warranty about the accuracy of Reality as everything provided in this troubleshooting guide is 100% accurate. What may result or not result from following the suggestions contained in this troubleshooting guide or your success in solving the problems that are causing you to consult this troubleshooting guide, is no problem of my own. Your decision to follow the suggestions contained in this troubleshooting guide is entirely at your own risk and set forth in the Kiss My Ass legislation to which you previously agreed to be bound. WARNING PHOTOSENSITIVE SEIZURES A very small percentage of people may possibly experience a seizure when exposed to certain light patterns, flashing lights or other visual images that appear in life. If you, or anyone in your family, have an epileptic condition, consult your physician before living. Even people who have no history of seizures or epilepsy may have an undiagnosed condition that can possibly cause a seizure while viewing reality. Reported seizures may have a variety of symptoms, including lightheadedness, altered vision, eye or face twitching, nausea, headaches, jerking or shaking of arms and legs, disorientation, confusion, or any involuntary movement or convulsions. Minimum System Requirements Body: Must be at least some what functional to survive in this cold harsh world. Brain: Must be able to receive and send messages to the body for survival. Comprehension and thought are not required; matter of fact free thought is frowned upon. Memory: No requirements, we have pictures and word documents for that. Eyes: Working eyes help get you around and avoid dangers, but not required. I.e. lions and bears. Ears: Again not required but helpful for detecting dangers. However, non functioning ears are a blessing when conversing with the opposite sex as neither one truly understands the other. Friends: They help you get through the day and can be exploited for further gain in your own life. Mouth: Used primarily to complain about ones own life and generally how drugs are taken to enter the body. Parents: Parents are at least required to make you exist. However they are not required to love you, acknowledge you or even accept responsibilities for you. They do help however. General Troubleshooting As you well know, life is full of surprises and embarrassing moments. Life is one of God’s creations designed as a sick joke against the rest of the universe. However thanks to this guide you’ll at least be able to fool yourself into the illusion that it is meaningful. What to do if you experience; Love: avoid if at all possible, if you can find someone you can live with without to much trouble. Love is the number 1 ender of relationships. Hurt yourself: This is a common occurrence and can generally be fixed by your body or with doctor’s aid. Avoid at all costs doing irreparable damage to your spine or organs as there is very little modern science can do to help you. In other words, you’re screwed. A fight: If you’re going to try and get into a fight go for someone smaller and weaker than you are; this will increase your chances of winning. However, life does not usually work in your favor, meaning it’s someone bigger than you. First thing you should try to do is to run away, cowardly but effective. If you figure that his speed and stamina are greater, aim to kick him in the jewels before taking flight. A rumor: If you encounter a rumor being spread about you, you have to assume it’s reached everybody; since a rumor is the only thing that can travel faster than the speed of light. The thing not to do when confronted with a rumor is to try and denounce them as rumors were never made to be logical or proven. What you should do is try to manipulate the rumor, since rumors have a high tendency to change and evolve. Distort it just slightly as to not arouse suspicion, change names places but never details about what happened…unless you plan to exaggerate them more. However, your primary concern is names and places since the exaggerations are the job of the people. About to die a horribly painful death: In a situation like this take time out to reflect how good life has been to you and how lucky you are. Or if it hasn’t been good, and given your current circumstances seems more likely, consider how lucky you are that it won’t be troubling you for much longer. A big test tomorrow: Study if at all possible. Should you be to lazy, attempt to wing your way through it. Answer all questions with something you pulled out of your ass. Frequently Asked Questions Why does my life suck? This is often a big question among women of the age of 13-16. Around this age they become totally obsessed with themselves and how the world likes to screw them around personally. My recommendation to this is as follows: Wait it out, committing suicide is a quick fix but often it does not solve the problem as Hell can be much worse. Around the age of 18 you’ll realize your own stupidity and come to terms with reality and how insignificant you really are. Hold on… that doesn’t help….oh well moving on. Why can’t I find my one true love? This is getting more and more rampant with both genders as Hallmark and Hollywood have brainwashed civilization into believing that every relationship is like a soap opera or another garbage romantic comedy. Things you should know that might help put this into perspective. 1. There are 6 billion people in the world. 2. People like to belong and will incorporate many idiosyncrasies that help them belong. 3. You are unlikely to meet more than 5000 people and remember all of their names. This all adds up to the fact that it’s statistically improbable that there is only one person in the world for you. The real root of this problem is you continually seek to validate your life off of other people. With this being your primary foundation, your entire life follows suite, being vapid and insubstantial. Recommendation: take some time for introspection and exercise. Exercise is there because it takes up a lot of time and is great for looking good. How can I succeed in life? You can’t, success is measured by what you’ve accomplish in your life. Since life and many of your goals in the overall scheme of things are worth very little, infinitely little. Your successes are next to non-existent. Coming to terms with this fact makes life considerably more enjoyable and less strenuous. How do I cheat Death? Committing suicide is the number one way of cheating death. You’ve effectively taken it out of his hands and into your own. This is the only way to put one up on death, by choosing to end your life abruptly and randomly you are leaving Death without a job.