Have you ever considered suicide but weren't sure you should do it? Well i'm going to help you out with a very simple guide. It will highlight the signs that will tell you whether you should commit suicide or not. 1. Have your parents ever told you to clean your room, or do your homework? If so this is a clear sign that they hate you and you should seriously consider ending it all. There's nothing worse in life than a nagging hateful parent. 2. Have you lived 14 consecutive years and recently dumped by your first boyfriend/girlfriend? This is possible the most traumatizing experience in any persons life and trust me it's not going to get better. End it all and leave a nasty corpse behind. 3. Are there days in your life where your not feeling all that great; a little under the weather? This is not normal; you are out of place and need to seek help immediately. Better yet, hide in the solitude of a closet with a noose around your neck. 4. Are you middle aged, living in a decent home with a well paying job, but feel unloved? This could be the beginning of some seriously fucked up shit in your life. So why suffer another day of your impending doom and just pull the trigger. 5. Are your parents divorced? This is in no way their fault. That's right it's all you, you’re being selfish and inconsiderate destroying someone's love like that. The only way they're getting back together is with your blood spilled on the bathroom floor. So buck up and make a mess if you really love your parents. 6. Just discovered that the worlds corrupt and teetering on the edge of chaos. Your one in a million, your part of a few gifted people that can see the apocalypse looming in the not to distant future and you can't stay around for that kind of shit. Nuclear holocaust, cannibalistic zombies and tribal wars! Fuck that shit, off a tall building for you and save anyone you land on in the process. 7. Having trouble understanding why your horoscopes never come true? Horoscopes are scientifically proven to be 100% accurate; you are the example of an anomaly in the space time continuum. Your very existence puts the universe in a constant state of chaos and unbalance. Aborting your life immediately would be the best course of action or wait till the universe implodes taking everyone with you, you egotistical prick. 8. Have you ever felt trapped in your life, like there was no way to go? Well if you’re in this case its true and if you’re a smart one, logical thinking has already lead you to a reasonable conclusion. That's right you guessed it, suicide. Feel assured that is sound thinking because it's just you, life decided to deal you a shitty hand and your stuck. Lucky you found a loop hole, no longer have to tolerate this kind of bullshit. 9. Got into a fight with your parents and your looking for a way at getting back at them? If you’re truly cunning, you'd already have deduced that hurting yourself is the best way to seek vengeance on your parents. HAHAHA, clever you cutting your wrists, that'll show them for scolding you not to do marijuana again. 10. Are you a misunderstood teenage artist? This is one of the most uncommon things of our time. However a quick fix to this is to mutilate your body in any way possible. This will be a sure fire way to signal to any people unfortunate enough to be associated with you. Mutilating yourself will help you better express yourself and work you up to the ultimate expression. Suicide, after leaving a poetic and morbid suicide note everyone will finally understand you and you can die happy. Have you answered yes to one or all of these questions? If so, you know what to do, if not wait out for my next self-help guide: Suicide and you, how to make it on the front page of any newspaper.