Aries - March 21-April 19) The sky is your destination today. You can do anything you put your mind to. Take on a competitive challenge. Your changing attitude may concern someone, but it will be just what you need to move forward. Today is the day you jump out of a plane without a chute. Taurus - (April 20-May 20) Be prepared to redo things. Nothing will fall into place or go the way you want it to today. This happens to be no coincidence as you’re a complete failure. You should focus on making other seem worse or surrounding yourself with suck-ups to make you seem better. Gemini - (May 21-June 20) You will impress everyone with your savvy and charming way of handling things. All your drug addict friends will ask where you got the hard stuff. Friendships will develop if you get involved in something that interests you, like drugs. Someone who is threatened by your popularity will challenge you. This will most likely be your previous drug supplier. Cancer - (June 21-July 22) You may have trouble with family and personal matters, but when it comes to getting down to business, nothing will stand in your way, your going to use your allowance money to buy a hooker. You may want to change your position but don't do so for emotional reasons. Leo - (July 23-Aug. 22) You will be highly entertaining today. Make plans to get together with people you want to impress or ones who can make a difference to your career. A partnership may be offered, but be certain that you understand what is expected of you before you agree; incase you can’t read between the lines they clearly want sex. Virgo - (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Your friends are all going to leave you as they’ve all figured out you’re a poser. Your parents are going to die and your cat’s going to claw out one of your eyes. You may want to consider this a good day in pitiful existence. Libra - (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Everything is going your way. You will know exactly what's expected of you and how to make the most of your current position. Professional changes going on around you shouldn't give you any reason to worry. I’m just kidding, expect a meteor shower to strike your house and for all your shares to declare bankruptcy. Scorpio - (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) The emphasis should be on work and money. Change will be required if you plan on getting ahead. Trusting someone will slow you down or set you back. Don’t be afraid to step on the little people while you ascend to the top. Sagittarius - (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) You will instinctively know what needs to be done to rectify any problems. You will be a troubleshooter who can bring everyone together and make things run smoothly. Don't let your own sensitivity stand in the way. You must destroy the world. Capricorn - (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) You have to watch your investments very carefully. You stand a chance of making money if you are quick to react to a change. But sense your not, continue on with your diner for one kraft diner meal. You can count on someone to screw you over and egg your house. Aquarius - (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Start making plans and arrangements that will allow you to get moving in a positive direction, like in car towards on coming traffic. Someone you care about may be keeping a secret from you. Don't overreact just shoot him or her, the law will most likely not get involved. Pisces - (February 19 - March 20) There will be so much up in the air that you won't know what to do first. Sit tight and wait for the dust to settle before you proceed. Don't take on something that is beyond your capabilities. Aiming high is not recommended all these possibilities in the air are not for you, it’s for someone else. It’s merely there to remind