I apollogize for not keeping up in this journal... not that anyone has bothered to read it. I guess ive been doing better in the last two weeks than the weeks previous to them. Or months, for that matter. I dont really know why i am writing in here. It never makes me feel any better, or any less stressed. If anything, it makes me more stressed for time. Instead of doing hw, or something of actual productivity, im writing online to nothing. I guess its better to write in here anyway. I probably wouldnt write things in here i would write in a personal diary... and if i died suddenly i wouldn't have much evidence to be concerned about getting rid of. Anywho, school has started except its quite different this time. I love the college. For once i actually like some sort of organized education. Im amazed. I'm also amazed at my emotions. How i could keep track of them, how i could even deal with them? I read something the other day that made sense: "My love is like a tree the roots of which strike deeper year after year-- I have no way to uproot it." Thats me. Thats always been me. Maybe he'll never know how much i cared. Maybe he'll never care about how much i cared. Maybe someone will care about me as much as i cared for him. But i have a feeling, i'll never care like that again.