I got this thing in the mail the other day- I'm nominated for a youth leadership forum on defense and something or other. It sounds cool but as with anything you have to pay. My dad keeps trying to tell me these things are all gimmicks while my mom thinks it would be a cool experience.. He's probly just trying to plant that so he can persuade me that I don't want to go and thus avoid paying. I dunno. I think it could be kind of cool- and I know a guy who's gone before and he seems to think it was worth it. (of course he managed to do some fundraising and didn't have to pay that much...) I would like to go but I don't think we can exactly shell out a thousand bucks right now- even though my mom seems to be willing. And anyway I don't have the grades. GPA of 2.8. I'm such a slacker.. Of course I don't HAVE to have the grade- I could go "based on individual merit". I don't have that either. I don't do anything. bah. See, when I say I was "nominated" that means my teacher passed the form around the room and just let anyone sign up. It doesn't mean that anyone actually recomended me because of my wonderful greatness or anything. :-p Then the whole thing led to my mom bugging me about grades again. Telling me all the things I could do. Sure, if I really wanted to I could do a lot of stuff. The problem is I don't. I have no purpose... I just sort of.. flail about miserably and ineffectually, going nowhere. I don't really think I have a future. It's just like when my dad was talking to me yesterday- he's making me come up with a list of things I could do once I graduate, and we were talking about some of the possibilities. Some of it sounded pretty cool, and I was getting all fired up- "if I do this, then I could do that.." but then after about five minutes I sort of loose interest, because I know that there's no way I'm ever going to work that hard towards anything. I just don't care enough. I don't know why, but I don't know how to try for anything. I hate it. Since I can't make it I almost would rather not graduate.. just go down in flames.. but I think all I could manage is a slight fizzle.. so you can forget that idea too. I'll just keep floating aimlessly in the void. uurgh.. it's all so depressing... You know, I rather like the idea of hiding in a hole.. a nice, deep, dark, earthy hole. Hehee.. kind of reminds me of the beginning of The Hobbit- I want a nice hole, like that, but mine wouldn't be a hobbit-hole though... Mine would be much smaller. A true critter-hole. One for a cute little furry animal with little white teeth. Hahaa.. I think I'd look a little like that Honeycomb cereal monster-dude.. (don't ask me why.. :-p) well.. sorta.. not really... I'd be A LOT cuter, and fluffier, and I'm not crazy about cereal.. I don't even like cereal... but whatever... Yep, I have decided upon a future career as an animal. allright.. sometimes I am forced to resort to insanity.. Meh. You know what? I actually don't care that much anymore. hmm mebbe that's because I have a headache from being on here too long... but in either case, it doesn't matter to me. You can keep your trips to wherever and your honors for xyz. ow.. yeah.. I feel like someone is stomping on my brain, so I think I'll just go and ingest a couple kilograms of aspirin.. (yes.. kilo IS what I meant..)