errgrr.. I've done it again. stayed home instead of going to school. It was funny. Before I was even awake I started telling my mom that I wasn't going- I decided upon it the night before, apparently it doesn't matter whether I'm concious or not. I think I should remain unconcious permanently. :-p blah. I wasted my day. that was a stupid thing to do. I can't afford it and I haven't taken care of the things I need for tomorrow. I don't know if I can face the day, just like I couldn't face today, only worse. Last night I was crying again. Fuck my fucking period and the eternal monthly bawling. Usually I'm fine the rest of the time. Although sometimes I still can't handle little things like missing meals, and nighttime.. blah. Why is it that I never have anything to hang on to when I'm like that? Everything is oil and water. I spin out of control. The things that should help me I can no longer grasp, and it's like they're not even there. I'm not able to think of things as they really are until I stop crying, and then it doesn't matter anyway because it's all gone. I hate having to go back to school too. I hate being about to graduate and not knowing what to do. I hate this pressure. I hate it that I'm nothing special, and having nothing special to me. gnnah. I can't take this. and now I have to go, and make myself take it, the poison pill of responsibility. bah. hatehatehate. we hates it. mebbe if i get something to eat I'll feel better. (oh whyy must I turn this into a page of whining??..)