I want to go back. Try again. I want it so bad.. maybe it could work this time. But I don't know how to ask.. and I don't want it to be like before. I can't even speak. Maybe.. If I had more time.. I just wish.. I had "ESPN".. so that I could tell whether I should or not. I'm not sure he would want me to. I'll have to see what happens next time I see him.. sigh. I know it's really just wishful thinking. but I've never wanted anything this much before... sigh. I don't see how I can get it either. It's like.. it's ruined. There's no way.. well. mebbe there is.. and.. well.. might as well try again.. everything's messed up anyway.. lol. such a.. freakish.. situation.