So tonight... spent sober I realized alot. my eyes have finally awakend to a world I did not wish exsisted, and while I was neck deep in one end, which I've finally been pulled from; I now find myself confused in the other end... I dont get it, I dont think I ever will, and as temepting as it is to be sucked into it, I dont think I ever could, but the world of getting fucked up and calling it a day will never make sense to me. Especially if you put the world around you at risk the moment you reach for your keys. It bothers me and sickens me to an end I can't even discuss... but what do i do? fight the world??? ahh what the fuck i've done it before right? why not... people need extreme examples to focus their lives and it's sad. ____ I hate the mask and games played the "call/dont call" "speak, but not too much" "share but hold out" way of this whole process, I dont get it. I'm not looking to get laid, if I wanted that, it's just a few phone calls away. I want some where to rest my head, I want a phone calls to say goodnight, I want wake up calls in the morning, I wanna be saved, I want to be loved, I want to be liked, I could lie and say I've had it before but anyone that knows me and my situation would just laugh, and I have to laugh too, you can't share something "special" with someone when half the city already has. I want my partner in crime, and I want to do it right. I want to take over this fucking town and then the world, but I dont want an empire to myself. A little off subject, but I got my lip pierced. Sweet. This will be my last entry for awhile.