New...from the writer of "Why Golf Sucks" and "School of Punk Rock" comes yet ANOTHER journal entry posted because there's nothing else to do at 4:30 in the morning when you're stone cold sober. "What Women Think They Want, and Why They're Wrong"...coming to a journal near you...well, now I guess...but you gotta admit, that first part really grabbed your attention. Anyway, a little disclaimer here, two or three people I've talked to recently may think that this was written about them in any way shape or form, and I can easily tell you that you don't have to worry, I've thought this stuff for a while and just never bothered to say anything about it. Anyway, here's what I've realized: women want men to figure out what women want even though even women don't know what women want. Need a few examples? Take these: Women want a nice guy, but if he's too nice, he's a friend. If he's not nice enough, they regret ever dating him. Looks don't matter except when it comes to people they're dating right now, so if you stick it out with them for 20 or 30 years, you'll gradually look more attractive. Women don't have the same standards among them, which is especially annoying when you realize that they don't even have the same standards among the guys they can get. And finally, women have something at their disposal that men don't have: the "friend zone". When someone is turned down by a guy, we lack the common sense to put them into another category. It's the male instinct. If we can't use it, we get rid of it. I didn't say it was a smart instinct, I'm just saying it's an instinct. Women...in your kinder, gentler, more diplomatic minds...don't tell guys flat out that they're wasting their time on something, you're put into the "friend" zone, and not the "GOOD friend zone", but like, the Lions "friend zone" where you never score. Don't get me wrong, women have the better approach. Everyone feels better for it when they're not entirely turned down, and eventually guys are gonna realize this trick and start using it themselves. Well, I know this wasn't one of my better entries, the whole one of you that reads this (seriously, if nobody knows who I'm talking about, it's not rocket science...it's the one name on the side of the screen...common sense people), but to be fair to me, it WAS 4:50 in the morning when I was writing this. Anyway, I'm leaving with a quote that half the people I talk to like and half of them think is a stupid thing to say, and it's one of those "metaphors" so don't take it at face value or the entire purpose of a metaphor is lost on you. Anyway, here goes: My uncle in Italy, for years he drove around this beat up, plain, brown station wagon. He drove it everywhere, never gave him any problems. So one day, he got a decent amount of money (don't ask why), and he went out and bought a brand new red ferrari, and started driving that, but it kept breaking down. He would take it to the shop and they would fix it, but it would keep breaking down, and he would have to drive the station wagon. Well, one day the ferrari blew up (don't ask why), so he bought a Mustang, but the same thing happened, and everytime he bought a new car, this would happen. He'd drive it for a little while but then something would happen and he would always end up with the plain, brown, station wagon, because even though the newer cars were flashier and would get more attention, they were only around for a little bit of time, and then they were gone, but his first car is still around. Okay, honestly, I THINK that's the ending of it, but I can't remember the exact wording of it, I'm sure it doesn't stop that suddenly, but ah well. Anyway, I'm outta here.