So I go to this party tonight, because I didn't really have anything else to do, and plus people are always getting on my case that I don't go out enough. So I decided to just kinda give in and go to a party. It was at one of my fraternity brothers' houses, so it wasn't like a fraternity party, there were just people from the fraternity there. So I'm talking to this one girl, she turned like, 19 or whatever today, so she's drinking, and some douchebag says how I do stand up, and one of the things that I hate about when people say that is I'm right away expected to say something funny, which I don't like. So I'm talking to this girl for really, a majority of the night, and she's drinking, I have a few drinks, whatever, and she's saying how I seem like I'd be a great guy to go out with, I'm funny, I "rock", whatever the fuck that means, so I was gonna ask her if she wanted to hang out some time. So we're outside, her friend is smoking, so she's out there with her, and I'm talking to her, and MID-CONVERSATION, she calls up some guy, he doesn't pick up, so whatever. So I said he was a fuckin' lightweight for being in bed by 1:30 on a weekend night, and she goes "Well, that's my boyfriend, so he said that we're hanging out tomorrow". So here is my requirement for girls who come to these parties: either come with your boyfriends or DON'T COME. The point of going to a party is to socialize with people, and to allow people to hit on you. If you have a boyfriend then you should bring him along with you or you shouldn't be able to take part in these things. Sorry, but you can't get a guys hopes up by being nice to him, only to cut in with a comment that involves something that your boyfriend did. So after I get done with that conversation, I go and talk to this one blonde girl. Sober, doesnt smoke, smoking hot. So I go over to her, and I only had a little bit of a buzz, so I go "FINALLY, somebody here is sober to talk to". And she reads my shirt that says "WWJD...FOR A KLONDIKE BAR?" Now, keep in mind that that was ALL the shirt said. It didn't say: "WWJD FOR A PIECE OF ASS" "WWJD FOR SOME POT" "WWJD TO KILL SOMEBODY" It only asked what Jesus would do for a Klondike Bar. I don't know what's offensive about that. But she did, and she goes "I can't believe you would wear that shirt, it's offensive!" So she's saying that if Jesus walked the Earth today, he wouldn't find anything appetizing about a chocolate covered ice cream bar? I find that very hard to believe. I started to make excuses, like "Well, it was the only clean shirt I had" or something like that. But then I realized, "No...she's just a bitch. This is my personality, and I'm not gonna be a fuckin poser just because she's hot." So that ended that right there. So basically, new rules for girls at parties: IF YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND, STAY THE FUCK HOME THOSE WHO ARE SINGLE, AT LEAST BRING A SENSE OF HUMOR. And with that, I bid you goodnight. KRUSTY: The animal we used for the burgers died out. HOMER: What kind of animal was it? Cow? KRUSTY: No. LENNY: Pork? KRUSTY: No. Think smaller...more legs.