Cant people see that im dying??? Do i REALLY hide it that well???? everything feels so.....horrible inside i cut last night for the first time in months after holding back so fuckin much I FUCKIN HATE ALL THIS!!!! why cant everything just be okay???? why cant i just have someone there for me, why am I all alone?! why me?! Im so tired of living like this... Today my mom ONCE AGAIN dashed all my hopes and killed the dream of the only thing worth living for, so i told her that, and she said "I cant wait for you to get a job and move out" WTFH!! i hate all this... i just wish i could have my old self back.. well...i dont know about that i just wish things would be ok again i have no one or nothing Life is a pool, where everyone is standing on the deck, watching the rest of the world...or swimming peacefully, freely....or your drowing slightly, just trying to keep your head above water...or your struggling so hard to keep the water away from your lungs, and your barely keeping your head away from the sesspool water which is death, and barely squeaking by like i am...or your at the bottom of the pool, gone into the oblivion.. I am extremely metaphoric and psychologic... sorry if that made no sense to some people.. i just want to be swimming freely again