So...today i actually felt as if talon noticed me a bit.. i suppose i wish i loved him again..it would mean so much more if i did..but i dont..i have none of those feelings on the surface...i bet if i was around him more often i would love him again.. last year i loved him beyond words and comprehension... Last year i had a hoodie..it had these aluminum studs on them, i could take them off and such..nevertheless, people stole them lol. Me and talon talked everyday last year, every fuckin day... i would have given my body and soul to him, my blood sweat and tears, everything i had.. anyway, one day he wanted one, so i gave him one..he put it on the sleeve of his Slipknot hoodie.. that was last year.. today he had the hoodie on..and its still there.. that has to mean something..right..? please let it mean something... i just want to be noticed by him..i want him to look at me the way he used to...i want to be in his life again..even if its secretly-ish..again.. Is that so wrong? Anyway... today was ok...A block we did nothing..i saw him before B block..we talked somewhat..i love his company... he may have dredz ((last year he had really long spikes..oh so hottt, the dreds..im not into..but still..)), he may love drugs, he may be a hippie, but god is he romantic and sweet and nice and everything...he has the soul of a great person.. Then i saw him before C block..he had his hoodie on..he looks so good in it lol.. so then i took his other coat, just as a joke, and he's like 'want the hoodie instead" and im like "yeah!!" i remember wearing it once last year in math class..i was cold so he let me wear it.. i felt...amazing..loved..special... I wore it today and felt...somewhat noticed..but the same feelings arent there.. fuck..why not? am i really dead inside..?? and then i saw him before lunch, just for a second.. i saw him before going to the buses too. talon- i want it back monday! me- nope! talon- yeah! if you dont ill......uh....uhh...............do something! me- haha maybe krn- haha he doesnt even know what he would do heh...chane doesnt like talon..probably because talon and his brother are good friends and get high together..or maybe because i fell in love with talon and not him... i remember so many good things about talon.. people see the bad..i saw the good... "true love is accepting and loving both the good and bad qualities because they some how complete you" I remember one night...our conversation last almost 6 hours..usually its only an hour because his dad would make him get off the phone at 11.. i remember smiling every moment he called me everytime i remember that one time... it was like, 3 in the morning.. we were both laying down...and almost whispering to each other.. it was more romantic than it sounds... out of no where he says "i love the sound of your voice" ..i was speechless... i already told him i loved him before, and him the same.. but right then..when i said it and he said it back... it just seemed.. i dont know.. is it so bad to miss all that???? God...i think that was my happiest moment.. then again..he couldnt have loved me if he never went out with me.. granted half the time he was going out with someone else... god life is so fucked up.. sorry for the long pointless entry about the past.. sorry..