my horoscope said id feel like im losing control today but i wouldnt do anything drastic damn..its right... know whats fucked up though? that i have to keep 2 diaries. i should just use one. so i can actually say what i feel i should have to keep a seperate one just to let things out. but no, people read my other one. fan fucking tastic. and i hate how vulnerable i feel when i tell someone i barely know something about me. like yeah, idc if they know where i live and how old i am and everything. but...i dont like poeple knowing how i feel deep down. and i have no idea why. but it makes me feel absolutely HORRIBLE. and i hate how paranoid and scared i am. i dont want to lose you..i cant. i feel like your the only thing worth it anymore, and if i lose you i lose everything. which is insane, because i dont even know you that well your constantly hurting me, but i swear the benefits outweigh the damage. and why the fuck do i have to be so hypocritical. i know im a jealous person..i hate when girls hang around you..but ill go around kissing everyone and sit on guys laps and hold their hand and put my arm around them and such. i even exclaimed how easy it was to manipulate tyler in front of you i gotta stop that. but then i feel like "if he wont give me the attention, why shouldnt i go someplace else for it" but i know theres a chance all that bothers you...and id rather be miserable and you be happy than the other way around except im not happy im only happy when im with you and that doesnt happen often my horoscope said i cant be too possive because it'll be bad ....how am i supposed to be ok with you slipping away when it kills me?