dear you, wow i really love how so many people bother too look at my diary. COUGH. oh well i am boring. if i was you i would not be reading my diary either. anyway, last night was oh so much fun. i am so happy. my last entry was so sad and mad and annoyed, and now i feel so much better and alive! i stayed at taylor's last night with my brother, chasen, taylor, and michael. omg and how could i forget? and shawna. my boys. and my favorite girl. i felt so at peace and calm and happy. taylor's mom was out of town. i love these winter nights. i walked taylor's dogs with him at night and we looked at all the christmas decorations on his block planned how when we grow up we will really decorate our house greatly for all of the holidays. michael is soo wonderful. and my brother. i really love him so much. he cut his lip skating and it looks so painful i feel so bad for him. and shawna has got to be THE COOLEST girl ever. i just love her to death. shes not like most girls. rachel and her brother were going to come too. but they didnt. chasen told me that rachel is like a sex fiend. but chasen lies... what if he was telling the truth? he said thats shes had sex w/ like 8 guys or something. me? i dont like whores. but i like her as a person. he does lie a lot.. anyway, last night i laughed so much. i really am really happy right now. im such a bipolar freak, lol. one entry "omg im soo sad!" and then next "im so happy!" but one thing im a little bummed about is that taylor said he was going to be back soon when he left my house today and he still hasnt came back, and that was a very long time. i dont think hes going to. sometimes i feel like he doesnt like me very much. its like we are just too close together. its like were family. you know with your family you are just an asshole to them for no reason, just because u can, because u know they will always be there? thats like how it is with us. or how i feel it is. and also i really want to lose 20 lbs. really really really. if anyone who reads this (which no one does read this) has any good diets besides the atkins diet, (thats just a little too much red meat for me..)itd be cool if u could tell me about them. ive always thought that if i just lost weight then everything else will be perfect. OMFG i love the winter and christmas this feeling is so wonderful! tonight i am going to give my puppy a walk and look at all the christmas lights! <3 maybe taylor will come with us..... i want sooo many cds for christmas! and a red old bicycle with a bell! but i prpbably already mentioned that. and i want BOOKS! i love reading. soo i have homework. i know i do. but i dont remember WHAT homework i have. im going to go now. if u read this, wow, than you, your the only one.