god...you can practically smell prom in the air. as of now, i have everything but the date. usually i wouldnt care, except for the fact that EVERYONE keeps asking me. its really the last thing i feel like dealing with right now. they just keep asking over and over and over and over...... and the answer doesnt change. its getting to the point where im just like "surprise! no." then i get yelled at for being 'negative' and sarcastic. its getting to the point where its almost bumming me out, despite whether i want to admit it or not. im really sick of being down all the time. prom coming up doesnt help. the only thing its good for is keeping me in check with reality. there is that possibility of hearing no and sorry. either way it blows, just now it wont bring me down so far. i know its "horrible to say" and that i "should really be more positive" but i just dont give a shit anymore. i dont want to be pleasant all the time. i dont want to pretend to be nice and smile until my face hurts. thats not how i feel, therefore thats not how i should act. either way i get yelled at. whatever. im out. laur ps. i updated the diary. its a little brighter, if you will.