sooo i've kinda done it . i told him that i am confused and i don't know what i want and i need a break . he says he is sad but he is being really understanding about it . thing is, i know that it isn't just a break . and i've been trying to get at that .. but he keeps saying "promise to me that you'll come back to me eventually" . and i say, i can't promise anything at the moment .. i don't want to just outright say no, i'm not coming back . for his sanity and for mine . i can't end this quickly . even though that might be fairer . i can't stand the thought of being without him completely . i feel like without him i would have noone . but i don't want him . god, its so unfair on him . i don't want him to wait around for me . but anyway . i'm kinda proud of myself for doing something .. and he called me before and he sounded okay so he's not as torn up about it as i thought he would be . that is good . the last thing i wanted to do was hurt him . blah . its still hard . anyway that was my update on the situation =/