god! i feel liek i cant take dis shit no more it seems as if every move i make leads 2 sumthin bad..liek yesterday i pushed mi sister well i didnt mean 2 i was jus so mad tht mi mom was takin mi sisters's side AGAIN.an i guess i jus lost it..but thn mi mom was tryin 2 give me another "talk"/lecture but we kinda ended up havin a big argument an thn,get this,she tells me tht she thinks i need professional help b/c she thinks i get upset easil over everything an tht i cry alot ovr everything WTF!How am i not gonna get upset ovr all this shit thtz been goin on.yea mi mom tellz me tht she loves me an mi sisters equally but at times it soo obvious tht wat she sayz iz bullshit..mi dad too,he iz soo 2 faced it aint funni he comes home actin all nice or w/e thn later he starts given me da 3rd degree about everythin especially mi phone..liek yesterday he waz liek lemme c ur phone cuz i need 2 make a call i waz liek sure w/e n thn ...did he make a call?nooo..he started checkin all mi recent calls an messages..bein all paranoid bein liek who r u callin y u getin all dese calls blah blah..ok 1st of all i dont make those out of area calls those r mi moms an ANOTHER thing..fyi mi dads cell # izz an out of area number!!god jesus!they'r driven me nutz! how the helll am i suposed 2 keep calm? how the hell am i NOT suposed 2 cry? ! 1)im a girl 2)i happen 2 be very emotional,not liek they wud kno,cuz frankly they r 2 busy overprotectin me 2 notice itz liek tht song frm 3DoorsDown(Let me Go) "you love me, but you dont know who i am" Tht iz EXACTLY how i feel about thm bein mi parents i broke down yesterday an mi bro was here ,he saw me an was liek watz wrong? so i ended up havin a nice talk wit mi bro ,i admit it felt kinda good 2 get those things out..it kinda helped..but i could barely talk straight i waz cryin so much im surprised he cud understand me....but at least i kno theres 1 person im mi familia tht cares wow i hav so much 2 say..i guess iv been holdin this in 2 long..but it feels good 2 let it out cuz i dont wana keep this inside of me..itz wat keeps me awake at nite..wat makes me cry all the time im SICK of crying..im sick of bein the "victim"im sick of bein caught in the middle.... it hurtz!everything hurtz mi heart hurtz..mi mind mi body it all aches..rite down to the bones surrounded by mi veins tht hav all this hate an anger running through thm..i cud say mi heart doesnt hurt b/c i hav cris but ..it aches whn im not with him,especially whn i need him the most,but i hardly c him an tht drives me crazy..... sumtimes i feel liek im " getting away wit murder" cuz at times i feel liek tht little innocent,care free girl in me iz dead..liek i killed her.i feel liek im slowly killin mi family..mayb mi mom iz rite mayb it iz all mi fault! ay mi corazon ya no puedo cargar todo este dolor..mi cabeza me duelo porque no quiere tener todo estos pensamientos negativos.. i cant even begin 2 count off all the times iv thoght iv thought about runnin away..im sure every1 else has 2...i wish i cud..but sumthin always holds me back...i swear 2 god whn i turn 18 ima move outa dis hellhole an go live wit mi hermano... *sighing* but for now all i can do iz pray 2 god tht ill get through all of this... cuz only god knos y..im goin through all of dis rite now...i think about this all the time y did he put me on this earth?y am i here?y did he save me frm all those times i almost died..i must hav sum purpose in life or else i wudnt b here..but only he knos wat it iz soo i guess ill jus hav 2 wait an c...if i dont dont give up an let go 1st....... iz it wrong 2 say tht i hate mi family..cuz i really liek i do..cuz our whole family (not intermediate)iz screwed Neway ..okai wow thtz alot ..im not done but ..ill leave it at tht...4 now...... asta luego....*muah*