well iv noticed i havnt realli been updating an i shud more often cuz i thinks it s liek sum sort of therepy 4 me which is good.... well today is veterns day so theres no skool 2day an im at home stuck wit all these stupid chores my mom left me an as usuall i got more cuz im the oldest but w/e life has been pretty rocky 4 liek da past month or so...or maybe jus since skool started...or whn i broke up wit cris...i dont even kno...how sad is that?...well i guess tht was the 1st thing but basically everything started 2 go downhill after my dad had his heart attack. u wud think that after sumthin liek tht life wud start 2 look up..jus the opposite... on the brightside i went 2 the dentist yesterday,NO CAVITIES!!! but besides that i seem 2 b experiencing a lot of emotions rushing 2 me an clinging 2 me at the same time an it makes me feel liek i dont have control over my emotions anymore..or maybe even myself and it jus sux cuz it makes everything more complicated then ever...i think i might even have clinical depression or something.. cuz i tend 2 feel sleepy alot i tend 2 cry over small thing i can get upset easily an at times i feel liek my whole existance is worthless and meaning less and thn i think about it take a deep breath an hope that there is a way i can get through this.... urgh!and im sick of dealing wit all dis guy bullshit first that whole chris thing where we pissed each other off and didnt talk 4 2 weeks and we only jus started talkin onli b/c of melva an vanne...jerk shudnt hav needed sumone 2 tell him 2 talk 2 me if he really did want 2...(if u read this idc cuz its my diary an im pissed off) steven...sometimes idk...he told me he lieked me but u wud think sumthin wud hav happened by now...idk...i feel liek i really liek him but at times im liek screw this i dont need guys...cuz even rite now i dont want a boyfriend,i jus got out of a loong one and dont wana go rushing in2 another wun....i dont want the commitment or the responsibility....but if he does ask me or w/e as sum ppl claim he will(which i doubt)..idk...c?i cant even make up my mind about all this!omg!argh! well i guess ill go start on my slavework now....i hope i kin go out an do sumthin fun...hope sumone calls me or sumthin...mayb ill go over 2 patricias.. dunno Peace out Bitches