FWA! Hi. How are ya skankfaces? Im quite alright. Quite bored though, i felt the need to update, so here i am once again rambling my life away to you few people that take the time to read this. But yet day after day i do the same, i make a new entry, update, read the two at max comments i got, and then browse through the other diaries on this oh so amazing site. But why? Well, maybe in hopes to find some that relates to me? Someone that Acts secure, but really is just ready to tumble at any given moment? (of course not, if i wanted to find that i could click on anyones diary) Maybe just trying to find someone whose heart has been broken more times than mine (Naah, i rather not connect with some throught the sole fact that both of our hearts have been broke by 9people) Maybe im looking for someone that can help me "see the light" (no no thats wat the dentist is for) Maybe im looking for someone that i could confind in. yes, no? Well i had the most amazing person whom i could telll anything and everything to, But he was one of the few people, whose problems were more important than that of my own. but of course, seeing as i found the most amazing person known to man, It only took a short while for him to hold my heart in his hands, BUT unlike most people inwhich i let hold my OH so "amazing" heart, He did not rip it apart and laugh at my patheticness for liking him. Instead he was there for me when i needed him, be it the late hours of the night, or the early afternoon as i sat in the middle of know where, just needing to know that someone was infact there for me, and he was there to remind me that i wasnt... totally alone. But god being the way that he is, messed thinggs up for me . Once again (for the... what was it? 5th time now?) I was not able to have the one i wanted oh so dearly. Maybe this was a sign? That it wasnt ment to be? Or maybe it was a sign that I have to learn to work to get what I want. (not to sound egotistic) But in the past, i never truely had to work to get what i wanted, If i saw someone i liked, in a few short weeks, i was with them, only though after a month to feel as though, he was nothing special, and like that i left him, ripped his heart out, and watched as he bleed, lying on the floor. Well. What is this trying to tell me? That im screwed for life? That i should of sent that "love chain letter?" That i shouldnt of danced on that mirror not so along ago, only for it to be left in millions of pieces. Now of course if you know me at all, we all know who we are talking about. The most amazing person to ever be born. Jason. Yes, Jason. He is infact so important to me, that i would rather be with him for a few short minutes, than Tim Armstrong (my idol and one of the only men onlder than 30 that i would even think about doing) For hours on end. Jason, you are the most amazing person i have ever met, And ive seen that youve called, and i heard the message, but i im still hurt, i still cant let me heart go again, even though i know that you wouldnt do anything of the sort to it. I have to realise that we will probably infact, never meet. This is the harsh reality of the world. and yes, its (to quote The Transplants) "Sad but true" I love you more than just about anyone else. But i cant take this right now. Now this is long enough, and the fact that nobody will ever read this, doesnt bother mee very much, i just needed to get all this out, something ive been holding in for quite a while. -The End-