Some one who is very dear to my heart is driving me nuts. My friend I'm saying with is helping me out. I just wish I could run away at times. Hell that's what I do best. I'm trying to break that nasty little habit. My life is so out of control right now it's not even funny. I'm having the what ifs about a friend who I liked at one time ( but I was chasing some one else at the time and well he was also in a shitty relationship. So we didn't pursue things). I think I made the wrong choice. This guy and I are great friends now and when he can he will be moving out here. We will be getting a place together. So I want to get these what ifs taken care of before we live together. Others wise I think it will make living arangements very odd on my end. I found out last night he and his g/f (which I do like by the way) have all ready started talking about living together. This is the first I have heard of this. I knew she planned on moving out to cali when he did or shortly after , but never knew of them talking about living together here. They have also discussed him moving out to DC to live with her and save money up for them both to move here. Not exactly a great time to find out about all of that. I'm also tryind to deal with the time lost on some one else. Not sure why I did it. I not sure who I really feel about it right now because I have so much other stuff going on in my life. I really don't need this on top of every thing else but not much I can do about it. Not like I can just set it aside and deal with it later. I do try not to thing about it to much but can't really stop it some times. I was lucky enough to have talked with some one who some what knows me last night. Some times I feel better talking to others about what is going that I don't know so well and they dont' know me so well. It gave me new insite on to some of it. I just wish life would give me a break and let me rest just for a bit. I can't take much more. My plate is full as it is. I go back and forth between wanting to kill people and then just ignore them or just say eh. I feel all over the place. I think I just need to get really drunk one night. hehehe my friend I'm staying with did her best the first night I got here but just wasn't in the right mood to drink. It would kick ass if her and I could go out to a club. Not sure how her husband would feel about that though. He seems like a really nice guy. We are going to go to some store to day to look at things. Her and her husband are very nice and are doing alot for me. Came at just the right time. I was starting to think that the world was just filled with uncaring bastards. Any ways I have shit I should get done before Rene gets back home. buh bye