Lucky me. Now I'm having dizzy spells on top of the chest pains. I usually get dizzy spells when my blood sugar drops, but I know that's not the cause of these dizzy spells. I hope it is nothing serious. I promise I will to do my best not to stress(dirceted towards freakycatgirl) *hugs* It means alot you worry about me. Moving on...my friend Rene husband (Tommy)had a talk with me last night. He thinks I should get myself set up down here and not in Orange County. He says it is cheaper to live down here but I don't really want to. Every one I know lives up north of here. I need to start making some phone calls again. I mean it is nice of him to be looking out for me but I want to be up there. I just want to know why my life is always so fucking hard on me. Any ways done writing for now but may be back later on to write more. I'm back and here is what I have to say. I had to write the lyrics to this down. It has felt fitting for some time now. I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad, The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. My dreams haven't always been that way but I have had dreams of dying recently and I'm not scared. I actually feel peacefull and at peace with dying. Other lyrics that felt really fitting lately are. I'm trapped in this world Lonely and fading, Heartbroke and waiting For you to come. We are stuck in this world That's not meant for me, for me. It's an odd feeling to always feel like you belong. No matter what you do. It just seems like going through motions.