Life always seems to know when you are down and it likes to give an extra hard kick. My brother is going through a hard time and that kills me. He was upset that when I needed help he couldn't help me. He is very close to the edge. I hate that I can't be there for him. Of course right now Im really wonder why I went after some other guy and not him. We use to like each other just thought it was bad timing and such. So we decided to be come good friends. We are great friend but now I wonder if we could have been more. He has a girlfriend now though and he is happy with her. And lucky me if this isn't just a passing what if's I will get to live with him and his g/f. Nothing like having what I could have had rubbed in my face all the time. Yea me. Why is it I always pick the wrong guy. I could have been with him and god knows we might have even been married or who know what by now. Fuck I need a new piercing or tat but I can't afford those things right now. So who knows what I will end up doing to try to get this all out. Any ways I have alot coming up and I have a feeling things won't go as I want them to and I will be losing someone. To think earlier I was at the beach looking at all the pretty men (goth boys are my fav) but damn there were some cute skaters around. Also a hot surfer with his lip pierced. Now look at me I'm down.