I hate most every thing at times. I just can't seem to let go, and just take things lightly. Any ways that's here nor there. I just hate the way things are going right now. My life is just a mess as usual. I'm all alone ( as in no one to talk to). I have no one right now. I think I'm going to just disappear after I leave Glacierbears house. I'm sure I will go unnoticed. No one I'm really close to is even near me. I want both my brothers around. My blood brother graduates his boot camp tomorrow. My mother is going to be there. My grandmother was suppose to be there. I miss her. It kills me to think she was going to be here in just a few days to spend time with me. It makes my heart ache. I also want my adopted brother with me (great friend), but he is all the way one the east coast. At least he has Silver there with him. I wish they were out here all ready. I need my brother. I'm feeling rather more unattractive than usual. I can't do much about it. There are other things going on that confirm how I see and feel about myself. I have no idea what to think. I try to get answers, but I don't get them at all. Fuck this fuck that I'm going to bed and hoping to wake up to a better life. Not this shitty one that I can't seem to escape.