a couple nights ago i was procrastinating and really, really wanted to find my diary from 8th and 9th grade.... and i could not for the life of me remember this site's name. by the time i remembered the sites name, i couldn't remember my username or password... i tried at least 10 times. when it finally struck me a couple days later i read all the entries and i've made a few conclusions: 1) i was a lot cooler when i was 14 and 15 2) i was a lot funnier and awesomely vulgar for that age. 3) i've inflicted irrevocable damage upon my liver. i used to hate where i was so much. well i finally applied to college and i did apply to all of those crazy places i wanted to go- chicago, new york, los angeles, boston... and i ended up staying here. i love this city. it took me a long time (and a fake ID) to appreciate it, but i do. i've met so many crazy characters and had so many wild nights here. it's been a weird couple years since i've last written. i had a really bad spring break with a horrible scare, finally graduated that god awful private school, quit smoking pot, had a friend die over the summer, and reached some unbelievable highs and lows. i also met someone recently... it makes me uncomfortable how many girls he's been with, but he seems so sweet. i can't figure out if it's genuine or a derived knowledge from the sheer number of girls he's banged. every time i meet someone more fucked up than i am, that's been through more than i have, i fall so hard for them. i don't know why. i'm doomed to love fuck-ups forever! in other news, i've done a lot of self-evaluation since my last boyfriend and i broke up. i'm mature enough to see what i'm doing now (i wasn't when i was dating that asshat sophomore year that i wrote n approaching infinity posts about here) and it's not good. bad traits about myself: 1) i'm really extremely selfish. 2) i'm needy and need to be reassured, and don't really care about people so much as i need them to care about me. half of the caring i do is acting. 3) i'm really insecure. i always need to feel special. i don't know how yet, but i'm going to consciously work on those. i KNOW i didn't used to be like this... and i don't know when it all started.