Do you know what it is to always be lost, never knowing which way is home or if home even exists anymore, maybe it never did. Today a friend announced that she was pregnant and everyone decieded that I was pregnant. Life never goes the way you want to. And now I am so afraid of the truth, but the wondering is causing me to lose it all. I have never known how to be strong, always I was the weak one. the one who freaked out the one who cried when everything went wrong. And then I was the one who tried to put it all back together. Always I pretended to be strong, but always when no one was watching in those long moments of solitude like now I cried. Sometimes silently among those who think they know me, and I wished they did. I wish the could see the pain the i hide without knowing. I fall but no one sees I cry but no one hears. I listen to everyone's problems and tell myself that they need me, that they don't have time for my issues. I have done its so long taht I don't know any other way. I wish I could say that it would end here, but it won't. Because I can't stop being who I am. This is what I was creaated for, to help those around me. All I can do is realize that even I need a break from it all. A rest, but I can't rest when things are so bad. No matter what I will go to school next year, even if Ihave to drag everyone down with me to help. I can't forsake myself now....she will need my education....