I sit alone today thinking about all the things that have happened this past year. I have lost everything and found it again. I have betrayed friends, and thought it for the best. I feel sick and sad inside for the ways I have treated those around me. I know there are those out there who don't believe that I should forgive some of them. Especially considering that one of the people I feel terrible for betraying is BJ. There was a time when our friendship meant everything to me, and what happened to destroy it I will probably never speak of again. So please everyone do me a favor and don't ever bring it up. I feel so much remorse for the way I handled the situation, a situation that should never have occured, but it did. I am not sure who bound me, or on whos orders. I have my suspisons, but even those are hard for me to come to terms with. I miss Becky, who I always called sister. We are the twins, if only we would both realize it. I felt very strongly earlier this week that I would have a child, but for now that is not to be. It made me miss my sister all the more. And now it is brought to my attention how cruel people can be. I am tired of the cruelty very tired of the cruelty. I ask those that I stand by to help me in stopping the cruelty. Please no more e-mails with malicous intent, I beg of you. If I could I could have peace again, if only things could be the way they once were. I can only hope that people will forgive me for my awful behavior.